A nothing...

chapter 4

I was still at Coles house. It was really early Saturday morning, and my parents were currently on a business trip, so that meant I would be the only one home really. But anyways, I was sitting by the window in Coles room while he was asleep In his bed. I woke up early this morning.....like 2 o'clock early... it's normal for me though.

I have bad dreams, which in turn make me jerk awake. And then I cant go back to sleep because my anxiety is in full swing. It was still raining outside so I quietly scooted out of the bed and sat next to the window, huging my knees to me, it was.still dark obviously and I shivered slightly from the breeze coming through the crack in the window.

I didnt mind though, I didnt really feel anything, I was used to the cold..its sad but true. The same thoughts running through my head. And my anxiety with that I felt as sick as a dog. My chest hurt horribly, a thumping burning pain. My face was emiotionless.

I just listen to the storm rage on. I quietly stood up and padded to the bathroom, turning on the light..

I looked disgusting. Dark bags under my eyes, and little frizzies sticking up all over my head. I don't know how any one mich less Cole, the most handsome guy ever could love and think that something like me was pretty, I really don't see it.

I sighed, tears welling up in my eyes. I wiped at them harshly. Why am I so weak, and cry. I'm such a disappointment. My brother and the rest of my family are perfect. They're strong and...and....aren't like me....I'm just....terrible. I don't know how to explain it.

I heard a ding go off from my phone. Its scared me a tad to I quickly looked over and saw my phone light up. I walked over to my phone a saw that it was a reminder.

"Appointment with therapist today at 12."

I furrowed my brows and put.my hand on my forehead. I felt so stupid for forgetting about this. I don't want Cole to have to take me to the therapist. I'd feel terrible and embarrased.

I'll just have to leave early and walk there myself. I'm not gonna put him through that trouble. I placed my phone back down and walked.back over to the window to sit down.

I heard the bed creak and looked over.
Cole was sitting up staring at me. He got up and walked over to me. His shirt was still off and with the moon light I could see his body. I stood there with my arms wrapped around me. I started shaking again. "Dammit" I thought. "Stop it you wimp"

He walked over and placed his hands on my hips. "Josie...what's wrong why are you awake this early?" He asked his brows were furrowed. His hair was pulled.back in a loose bun with which made him sexy as hell.

"I-I c-couldnt sl-leep." I said in my nervous voice "I really apologize for waking you up Cole, I'll try to be more quieter next time" i said with wide eyes while looking down. My mouth was dry and my palms sweaty. "No no you didnt wake me up. Your fine doll." I just nodded my head. "Your shaking, and your hands are freezing, come over here and lay down under the blankets with me" i looked over at the bed, at the warm blankets that he just crawled out from under. He gently took  my hand and pulled.me over to the bed and layed me down, walking over and climbing in the other side of the bed. He covered us both up. We were facing each other, he reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, dunning the tip of his finger down my jaw to my chin, I suppose admiring my face, which would be a first for me.

He ran his hand down my side, and I could feel his fingers bumping off my ribs which I knew would bring up questions. I slightly grimaced at the thought. He wrapped his arm around my side and pulled me to him, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I just rested my palms and forehead on his chest.

It took about an hour but I finally went to sleep, while he was rubbing my back soothingly.

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For any of ya'll out there.who have anxiety or depression or just plain trouble of being able to go to sleep, and restless in bed... there's an app called

Relax melodies

I have the app (obviously) but is a.really good app.

If you like nature sounds or there's a certain sound that really relaxes you then I suggest getting this app. It helps me alot with going to sleep.

I listen to the river and thunder storm and crackling fire on the app.

It's a wonderful app honestly.

So check It out and let me know who you like it.

Hope yall have a good one.