Redemption

6..

How can she do that to me?

To my baby?

To our baby?

It's my part too. If she thinks she can take all the decision alone then she is highly mistaken.

I am myself surprised with this sudden responsibility feeling erupting in my heart I'm having. I feel like I'm  suddenly grown up. I'm suddenly very protective to what's mine.

And the baby is mine too.

I pressed the accelerator harder and the car roars. Just like my inner self.

The world outside is blur for me all I can think of is about my baby and her.

How can she be that cruel?

If I was at her place I would have never....

I was suddenly hit by something,

it's called sense.

Common sense.

Reality.

Truth.

I feel all the oxygen gushes out of my system.

I. Would.  Have. Done. The. Exactly.  Same. Thing.

Fucking. Same. Things.

What she can do when she know she will be behind those bars through out her life now?
What she can do when she know she have nobody in this world who can support her?
What she can do when she trusted a coward person and that person make her end up behind the bars?
What she can do when she know that the father of her baby is a coward?
What she can do that everybody outside will make sure she don't come out of the prison?
What she can do when she know that she can't give a normal life to her baby?
A normal life which she yearns for. Every second of her life.

And its all my fault. I knew this. I knew all of this. I knew how she felt. I knew what she wanted. And i just ruined everything, for what? Seeing a little proud in my dad's eyes.

How can she not do what she did?

Everybody at her place would have done the same.

And as much I know my father... he wouldn't have left any other option for her.

He didn't even tell me she is pregnant. 

He's a dad right?

I mentally promise myself to be a better dad than my father. I suddenly have a wish to hold my baby in my hands and while bringing him up I will make sure she/he will never feel what I felt. I will never let any..

Will she even let me?

Will she even let me hold my child?

Will she let me take our baby away from her?

Will she let a coward take her baby away?

Will she even let me see her?

Will she even look at me without hate in her eyes for me?

What will I say to her?

Give our baby to me.

I can add a please in the end too.

She will shot me at the spot if she have any access to guns. Or she might just kill me with the hatred in her eyes. Which I never wanted to see.

I pull the car in drive way and applied sudden breaks.

Why the hell I'm such a coward?  Can't I fight my own dad?

What do I really want? I have two options..

Face her hatred for whole life and nurture the baby or just run away with guilt.

I glance at the abortion  papers resting on the passenger seat.

I can't just sign them and go home, take my packed bags and run for the life.

Or can I?

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