Dear Andy ➳ Randy [✓]

epilogue

Rye knew it from the way he walked in, arms out of sight behind his back, a look of guilt and sadness cast across his face. He knew that it had happened again.

He climbed down from his bed, taking long strides until he was in front of him, engulfing him in a hug. He allowed Andy to sob into his shirt, knowing he needed it.

He gently led Andy towards the bathroom, pushing him slightly so he would sit on the closed toilet lid. Taking cotton wool, he filled the sink with warm water. It had almost behind a year since he had to do this.

"Andy, love? I need to clean your arms" Rye hushed quietly, prying Andy's arms away from his stomach. Bright red angry streaks stood out on his pale skin, small beads of blood leaking from some of them. Rye sighed quietly.

Andy sat there, unmoving as Rye worked. Rye was almost so sure he had lost Andy to his thoughts. But, once he pressed too hard on a cut and Andy hissed in pain, he knew he was still with him.

Wiping the last cut, Rye went to the cupboard and got a bandage. he wrapped Andy's arm tightly, muttering an apology when the older boy flinched. Once satisfied with his work, he pulled Andy back towards his room. They settled on his sofa, Rye pulling Andy close to his chest. They settled down and Rye stuck 'Friends' on, and they sat there quietly.

This happened when Andy relapsed; Rye would clean him up and they would sit, watch TV or go on a walk. They would do something, just the two of them until Andy was ready to talk to him. Rye would never push him. He knew Andy would talk to him in the end. But the waiting - the waiting killed him.

"I'm sorry" he eventually muttered, looking anywhere but Rye's eyes. Rye sighed, pausing the TV. He moved slightly, so he could look down at Andy.

"You don't have to apologize, love. I'm not mad at you" Rye said softly, tracing shapes on Andy's arm.

"It's disgusting. I'm disgusting" Andy snapped back, his eyes welling up with tears.

"Hey...don't talk like that. You're human love. You're allowed to have negative feelings, make mistakes. You're allowed to have faults. Everyone has them.." He whispered softly "Like, take Brooklyn for example. He's fucking annoying as. I can't think of anyone more annoying than him. But, he can be so sweet and forgiving . It's the same with you Fovvs. You have your faults, but there are so many things that are great about you."

"But-"

"It's not disgusting Fovvs. You were upset and, yes, you dealt with it in the wrong way, but it doesn't make you disgusting. It makes you human." Rye finished.Andy sat quietly, processing Rye's words. They sounded so right, but it felt so wrong to admit that.

"It's the voices again..." Andy eventually admitted "They're getting louder again. They give me headaches. It's like a war in my head. They scream at me until I do things their way. I just want them to leave me alone. I don't want to feel like this anymore Ryan. I want to be happy. Why can't they just let me be happy!" Andy shouted, jumping out of Rye's arms, curling himself into a fetal position and started sobbing out of frustration.

Rye sighed, biting his bottom lip. This was so much worse than his normal breakdowns. It made him wonder how long the blonde had been keeping these emotions bottled up. He gently pulled Andy back towards him, burying his face in his hair.

Andy struggled at first, fighting against Rye. He didn't want to give up. Rye was persistent though. Every time Andy though he had gotten away, Rye's strong arms somehow managed to find their way back around Andy's waist. He was exhausted. He gave up, gripping Rye's t-shirt like it was a lifeline.

"Oh Andy...Why didn't you say? If they're getting bad again we'll contact your therapist again. But you can't keep locking all this up. You need to talk to me Andy. The night I found you on the bathroom floor...that was the worst night of my life. I don't want you to ever have to go through that again," Rye paused. "You're my happiness Andy. I can't imagine life without you. And honestly, I don't know what I would do. So please. Don't listen to them. Listen to me. Cause I fucking love you so much"

Andy sighed quietly, looking up to meet Rye's eyes. They were filled with concern, love and worry. Rye lent in, but stopped himself, unsure if it's what he should do. Andy let out a wet laugh, before wrapping his arm around the back of his neck, connecting their lips.

"It's not going to go away, you know that right?" Andy whispered, once they had pulled apart and were laying back down. Rye sighed, kissing the top of Andy's head.

"I know, love. I know."

"And, this is going to happen again and again"

"Andy. I don't care. I'll do this as many times as I need to. Cause you're worth it. And I swear to fucking god, I will never lose you again. I love you so much more than you'll ever know and I was an idiot to not realize it until now". Andy sighed lying his head back on Rye's chest, listening to the younger boy's heartbeat as it lulled him to sleep.

"I love you too Rye. I fucking love you too"

-X-

heh.

welp. that's dear andy done.

ya happy now? can y'all stoP attacking me now :p

in all seriousness though. thank you so so much for the support on this and on dear ryan.

ik this has been a hell of a ride for me...

at time's i really felt like just ;; deleting this book cause of how much drama and just ugh people were getting over. but then i realised ive made one of the most amazing, caring, beautiful, talented friend in the world because of said drama. so wishingparker remember you are worth it and ilysm

but uh: dear ryan has 44k reads and this has 9.5k and i seriously don't deserve that. so thank you for sticking with me

happy new year and let's have 2019 be full of a little less drama plz?

-Lauren xxx

@adorkablefovvs