The Tragedy of Living

I'm such a awful sister

Chapter 8

Eden

I glance at the clock I'm not surprised when I see It's now five. I've been sitting here just reading and re-reading this letter for hours, breaking a little more each time. Is this really my baby sister writing with such maturity? The girl that I used to dress up and do her makeup then get in trouble because she was to young to wear it. I miss that little girl. She is to young to be this old.

My first thought is call her. Call her now my subconscious is yelling at me but then I think back to her words "It's not things I can express into words" and it hits me I don't know what to say. Is that bad?

I don't even know what to say to my own fucking sister and she is dying and I'm not visiting her and I have so much to say! I miss her little voice and her big eyes and everything about her? Goddamn it I'm such an awful sister! So I do what any rational person would do. I grab my keys and hop in the car.

The trip to the hospital was extremely long in thought but in reality only about a thirty minute drive. This is my thoughts on the way over ...

What do I say?

Do I hug her?

Of course I hug her she is my sister!

Will I cry?

Does she want to see me?

Shit!

She said don't come.

I can't break down in front of her I can't!

Then of course I started to cry well that was an understatement to say the least. Grabbing some tissue from the glove department I wiped up my face a bit and reapplied some make up, but made sure to leave off mascara. Getting out of the car an locking it, I notice it's almost empty and lack my parents car.

Barging in I rush to the front desk. "What room is Jenna Collins in?"

"I'm sorry ma'am are you family?" She asks me

"Yes, I am her sister" I inform her. She gives me a sight smile and nod and says

"Room 340" I took off in the direction. Every turn becoming more familiar. Stopping in front of her door I take a calming breath a walk in. Without waiting for her to say anything I start.

"Listen I know you don't want to see what but here me out..." I stop realizing how long it has actually been since I've seen my sister and how bad the cancer really is. The last time I saw her, her checks had a hint of pink to them and her hair was starting to grow back from the second time of getting it buzzed off. She had, had a light but nature coat of makeup making her look kind of goofy like it didn't belong.

But now as I stand here, I'm in lack of words because this is no longer my little sister. Her hair is no longer there, her head is shiny as a newly waxed car. She is awfully pale and she is all skin and bones. This time her make-up is perfectly done making her look at least thirteen. She is even wearing the matching neckless I got for her, except mine is tattooed on my shoulder blade of a heart with her initials.

She looks at we with a saddened gazes but there is also happiness in there somewhere. I start to speak but she beats me to it

"Tell me again how you keep your promises?" She asks coldly

"In my defense tiger, I didn't say I promised" I counter back with a sly smile

"Don't. Call. Me. Tiger" she snarls

"What.." She cuts me off

"You lost that privilege, when you stopped visiting. I'm not as energetic as I once was, if you can't already tell" she says with a yawn

"But I.. In the letter you didn't seem mad at me" the words were tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop. Yep, that was the best that I could do

"Key word sister "thought" what would you think I would be joyed that I'm left in this hell hole by myself and my parents?" She laughs back but it doesn't seem humorous to me

Wait, when did she start cursing? What happened to her? And that's it. I look her in the eye and can see the pain

"Don't" I hear her softly say before I lost it

Bawling takes over me, as I sloop to the floor. I'm sure it's will be warmer than the treatment I'm getting standing

"Hey sis I didn't mean any of that I.. I'm sorry it's just hard to be the strong one all the time I want to go live the many pleasures of being kid like going out trick or treating then puking the next day or go to the zoo"

"You've been to the zoo and trick or treating" I whimper

"But, I can't remember it" she replies sadly

I'm still on the floor when I hear her say "crawl up here with me" I'm hesitant at first. Will I hurt her? Like she read my thoughts she says

"It'll be fine I promise"

With that I crawl up and cuddle with her. We talk about everything and anything. Turn out there is a boy here she is crushing on but she doesn't want to pursue it because and I quote "It's either him or I, dying and I don't think I can handle either" then I think to myself. I don't even know the boy but, me either little sis. me either.

****

Waking up with a kinked neck I forget where I am for a second before remembering. Rubbing my eyes I slowly crawl out of bed trying not to wake up Jenna. Well... That failed miserably.

"Ed?" She asks in a sleepy voice

"Yeah?" I ask back

"Aren't you going to be late for your date?" She asks pointing to the clock

Shit! I forgot about that. Alex texted me and asked if he picked me up at eleven would be fine? Obviously I said yes and it's 10:40 now so I won't even make it to my house by eleven if I leave right now.

I sigh "Yeah I know I'm going to call him and let him know I'm going to be a little late" I tell her

"I'm sorry" she looks ashamed

"What? What are you sorry for?" I ask walking over to her side of the bed

"If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be here and you would be late" she grumps out with a scowl on her face

I burst out laughing "I *laugh* Love * *wheezes* you" I kiss her head I sober up before adding "I'll see you tonight okay?" I ask

"Okay love you" I've never seen her smile get that big

"Love you to" and headed for the door