that boy | hwang hyunjin | ✔

Chapter 21

But Monday, I wasn't so sure anymore.

I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to face Hyunjin. I had to come up with a stupid excuse to explain my strange behavior to my mom since I can't tell her the truth. She'd freak out if I ever mention a boy other than Felix. But she noticed that something was off and her suspicion was confirmed when Felix had to come to literally drag me out of my room this morning.

When we arrived at school, it was just like I expected it to be; Hyunjin kept his distance and refused to even look at me. This should've been exactly what I wanted. But why do I feel so bad about it, then? Why is there a part of me that wants to approach the boy and beg him not to ignore me?

My mind has been in conflict for the entire day and it's not getting better with every hour that passes. I don't understand myself anymore. There's still a big part of me that should find this entire situation convenient and apologizing would be healing a gap that shouldn't be healed. This is the distance Hyunjin is supposed to be at and talking this through brings the risk that the distance will shrink again. 

But the part that doesn't want Hyunjin to feel like this is growing rapidly. Every time I look up from my textbook to steal a glance at him -he's sitting at the far end of the classroom again- he would notice and our eyes lock for a split second before he averts his gaze again, his face expressionless and eyes distant.

I realized during English class that I miss the boy who always tried to be nice to me and I'm still not over the shock that thought brought me.

Lunch break was even worse. He refused to sit with us -which is completely understandable- but it was hard for Felix. He was torn between his two friends, even more than during class. What happened between Hyunjin and me affects him too and that's why I feel like I should solve this even more. I don't want to make Felix feel like he has to pick a side between his two friends

Now it's somewhere halfway through the last class and I honestly don't even know which class it is. I'm mindlessly waiting for this class to end, staring out of the window to the traffic that drives by. It's still early. Fortunately, we didn't have many classes today. I couldn't possibly focus with my mind occupied like this.

I jolt up when a soft punch lands on my shoulder. I'm about to make a comment but I quickly close my mind as I see Felix looking at me, along with the entire class and our teacher. I want to disappear immediately as the embarrassment colors my cheeks bright red.

"Great," the teacher starts. It's Mr. Won, meaning that it's Korean class. "Now that I have your attention, Miss Lee, I inform you that you have cleaning duty after classes. Since your partner, Mr. Han, is sick today, Mr. Hwang will substitute for him."

"What?" Hyunjin and I both gasp.

"Is there a problem?" Mr. Won asks, raising an eyebrow and eyeing us suspiciously.

"N-No," Hyunjin mutters. I remain silent.

"Good," our teacher walks back to the front of the classroom. "I have a meeting to attend. Hwang and Lee to the sports fields. Class dismissed."

He quickly empties his desk and Felix lightly pats my back, his usual way to wish me good luck on something. Well, I really need that with this one. The nerves surge through my body as I gather my stuff and leave the classroom, avoiding any form of contact with Hyunjin.

Walking through the hallways, I let my mind rolling through all the options that I have. I can either speak up or keep my mouth shut and leave this situation as it is now. But you and I both know the latter isn't really an option anymore.

That brings me to another decision that has to be made. How am I going to approach him? What am I going to tell him? Just say sorry and then go my own way again? I don't think that's enough, I feel like I owe him a lot more than just sorry. I don't believe sorry is enough to fix this mess.

I make my way to the sports field, leaving the crowd of students on their way to the exit behind me. There's one pair of footsteps that follow me and I can only guess who they belong to. Digging my hands deep in my pockets, I pick up the pace to stay ahead of him.

The sigh coming from behind is obvious.

As I reach the outside storage building, the school's head of maintenance, Mr. Lin, just comes out. He smiles widely as soon as he sees us. Mr. Lin is a middle-aged man, and probably the friendliest of all the staff here. He likes to chat and he always makes sure we laughed at least once before we separate paths again.

"Chaelin," he greets me. "I see you're my victim again."

I greet him with a quick bow. "Hello, Mr. Lin." I usually greet him a bit more cheerful but with everything going on at this moment I'm just a bit too distracted. But he doesn't notice, his attention has already reached the boy who came after me.

"You must be Hwang Hyunjin, nice to meet you!" I hear his loud voice booming from behind. "I'm sorry that you had to fall victim to my duties in your second week already, but it was an emergency."

"No, no, it's fine," Hyunjin quickly states, immediately switching to his polite-student mode.

"Great!" Mr. Lin happily claps his hand. "I have to repair something inside the school building but Chaelin knows what to do, right?" 

I quickly turn around to face him, only find Hyunjin looking at me as well. I momentarily forget to reply but as both the men in front of me give me a weird look, I awake from my state of confusion and tell them that I know what to do.

And with that, Mr. Lin marches towards the school's main building, carrying his toolbox and leaving Hyunjin and me alone. Once more. The last time, it didn't end too well and I can't say that I'm not nervous.

The silence between us is awkward. Much like that day when I yelled through the entire locker hall that he didn't mean anything to me, but it's ten times worse now. We just look at each other, waiting for the other to do or say something. But none of us does.

"Follow me," I deadpan before I spin around on my heels and enter the maintenance shed. To my relief, I actually hear his footsteps following behind me as I begin to collect the stuff we need for our duty.

I don't know how I'm going to do this.

But this is the moment where this madness will end.