that boy | hwang hyunjin | ✔

Chapter 31

It only took me five minutes to realize that it was impossible to focus on Korean, even though I'm usually pretty good at it.

I'm just staring at my notebook, scrutinizing the symbols I've written down during the previous Korean class. But nothing seems to get through. The characters written down in blue ink just don't make any sense to me right now.

The lecture isn't any better. I'm listening carefully but somehow, what he's saying doesn't stick long enough to process and I just forget it right away.

My mind is a little messy right now, something that I'm slowly getting used to these past days. I was just fine a few moments ago but now that my thoughts ran over the event a few times, chaos comes back like an old friend.

I've always had many enemies, especially at school. No one knew exactly what, but everybody always seemed to know that I had a dark past. My past, even though it was unknown to everyone, always made me an outcast.

Mainly because I have problems trusting others, rather keeping them at a distance. I've never been nice to people because my trust issues went beyond just boys and men. Others don't have a reason to be nice to me, nor do they have a reason to defend me when someone bothers me.

Being approached by people that just want to be mean is nothing new to me. I'm used to it and my bored attitude and sarcasm serve as a good defense mechanism that catches most of them off guard.

Apart from Felix, no one ever stood up for me. Until today, when Hyunjin came to the rescue when Jisoo and her minion's almost cornered me. Hyunjin, out of all people. The boy that I treated like shit until a few days ago. The boy that has absolutely no reasons to be this nice to me.

A question I often ask myself is why?

Why is he still so nice to me? Why does he still want to become my friend? Why did he stand up for me, even though I humiliated him in the same way a week earlier?

I just don't understand.

Jisoo was right. I don't deserve the attention of Hyunjin. I don't deserve to be around him as much as I am now.

And the weirdest part is, just a week ago I wouldn't have cared. I would've happily pushed him away from me, ignore him, pretend like he doesn't exist. But things got a bit more complicated and letting him go doesn't sound as good anymore as it used to. I somehow start to like his company and I think it's time to be honest with myself.

I want his company.

I want to deserve his company, be worthy of being Hyunjin's friend. I want to treat him like he treats me.

I don't understand anything of it and I'm scared. My mind is overworking itself, my head is spinning and my heart is beating uncontrollably.

I need a time-out.

I slowly raise my hand, patiently waiting for Mr. Won to notice me. But that's hard when the teacher is facing the blackboard, back towards the class.

Soon, the entire class is staring at me while the teacher is oblivious, completely caught up in his lecture. Felix softly nudges my arm, giving me a questioning look that I answer with a faint smile.

Then, after what seems like an eternity, Mr. Won finishes his sentence and he turns around to face his class. His eyes find my raised hand and he calls my name.

"Sir, I have a splitting headache. Can I go to the infirmary to get some painkillers?" I ask with a small voice, my hand pressed against my temple.

It's not even a lie.

My Korean teacher nods and I quickly rise from my seat, leaving everything behind as I rush out of the classroom.