that boy | hwang hyunjin | ✔

Chapter 47

I must have zoned out after I got home because when I open my eyes again, the rays of sunshine that peeked through the window slants are gone. Instead, another ray of sunshine has entered my room and is now lazily snoring on my bed.

"Felix?" I ask, startling the boy.

He looks up, his orange hair disheveled and his brown eyes slightly glazed over. I guess I wasn't the only one that zoned out. He narrows his eyes at me, straightening his composure and clapping his hands slowly.

"Good job, Chaelin," he yawns. "You really are bipolar, huh?"

I let out a scornful laugh. My small slumber wasn't enough to make me forget about the events from today, and I immediately recall the stupid mistakes I've made in the small time span of a half school day.

"Let me guess, you hate me now," I ask with a wry smile.

"Of course not," he reassures me. "If I did, I wouldn't have shown up."

His comment makes me feel a little better. Felix is still there, no matter how hard things might get. My best friend has never let me down and the thought almost makes me want to curl up into his embrace and cry again.

"Hyunjin is fine, too," Felix continues, lifting another heavy weight off my shoulders. "He is shocked, but he told me he understands it. Kind of."

I remain quiet. I mean, what can I say? I know I messed up everything and it's not that easy to be fixed. I'm just glad Hyunjin is somewhat okay. He doesn't deserve to get caught up in my mess. Not like this. It has already come way too far and I feel terrible about that. I guess I should've never let him come this close.

"What's up, Chaelin?" my orange-haired friend continues, inching closer and wrapping an arm around my shoulder securely. "You're pushing him away again, what's going on inside that mind of yours?"

"You noticed," I laugh, dry and humorless. "Was it that obvious?"

"Totally obvious," the boy confirms. "Hyunjin noticed it, too. We both know it's your defense mechanism kicking in again but he's as confused as I am. He's afraid he did something wrong."

"He didn't," I mutter.

Felix eyes me skeptically, probably expecting the cliche it's not him it's me story.

"Then what is it?" he suddenly snaps, frustration filling his always so gentle eyes. "This is unfair, Chaelin. Don't treat him like this all over again. At least explain me."

I gasp, surprised by my friend's small outburst. My shoulders slump and a heavy sigh escapes my lips. My mind is working over hours to come up with a reasonable explanation for all this and it's tiring me out.

"Look, I don't know Felix," I sneer, nearly shocking myself when I sound more pissed off than I intended to. So I look down in shame and continue in a milder tone. "Something is happening. I have no idea what and I have no idea what to do with it."

"Mind explaining me?" Felix demands, clearly not satisfied with my vague explanation.

I remain quiet for a moment, trying to come up with the right words. If anyone could help me with my issues, it's my best friend. A part of me regrets not telling him sooner, but I only just realized a few days ago that it's getting out of hand.

"Being around him feels weird," I begin cautiously, seeking for words. "Not in a wrong way, but still weird. I feel nervous when he's around and when he smiles or just simply looks at me. I get all embarrassed. It's getting hard to breathe, my cheeks are on fire and my knees are like jello and my heart totally freaks out. I want to scream on top of my lungs to calm myself because it feels so frustrating but nothing seems to help, apart from avoiding him. I want it to stop but at the same time, I want more. I'm confused and scared. This isn't normal, isn't it?"