that boy | hwang hyunjin | ✔

Chapter 46

"Chaelin, are you alright?" Felix questions me as soon as I plop down in the seat next to him.

I remained in the empty courtyard until the next class started, which was English. It wasn't enough time to clear my head, but it was enough for Felix to grow worried. It must've been weird for him to see me acting like this, too. Practically everyone is giving me strange looks. The story probably went through the entire school pretty fast. Lee Chaelin, the boy-hating weirdo, got mad over a boy. Great news, place it in the school's newspaper.

"I'm fine," I lie with a wry smile.

I purposely ignore the raven-haired boy sitting in front of me and he doesn't attempt to talk to me either, almost like an unspoken agreement. It hurts, but I guess it's for the better. I already thought it wouldn't be easy to avoid Hyunjin, but grabbing his hand on the very first day of my plan took me by surprise as well. When did everything get out of control?

Felix doesn't look convinced, but he lets it slide for now and I'm glad he does.

I take out the stuff I need for English class and patiently wait for Mrs. Choi to arrive. I'm nervous, almost afraid for Hyunjin to turn around and start talking to me again. I'm sure I can't handle it anymore. I'm glad school's over early today, this is our last class which means I don't have to face the boy much longer.

"Hello class," Mrs. Choi greets us in English as she hastily enters the classroom and drops her stuff on the desk. "My excuses for being late, get your textbooks ready."

A rustling fills the classroom as everyone who didn't do it already takes their textbook and opens it on the right page. Just like that, our teacher starts scribbling away on the blackboard in front of the classroom. I try to focus on whatever she's telling but somehow the words don't stick around long enough for me to comprehend. There's one thing that flashes through my mind constantly, wiping away everything else.

The warmth of his hand.

I swear I can almost feel the remnants of it between my fingers. How he squeezed back ever so lightly when I was fuming with that strange anger. How he looked so freaking lost when I snapped my hand back.  I grit my teeth in utter frustration as my mind threatens to fall into chaos again. 

"Relax, Chaelin," Felix whispers after a while, gently placing his hand on my shoulder. His brown eyes find mine, the worry still present in them.

No matter how much I want to relax, I just can't. I tense up more and more with every minute that passes. I really appreciate the warmth of Felix' hand on my shoulder and I take a deep breath to calm down a bit, trying for his sake even though I know it's pointless. And Felix knows that, too.

The time goes by painfully slow and it's a torture to my patience. I feel like I'm about to flip, my eyes darting between the clock on the wall and Mrs. Choi in front of the classroom. I'm a ticking time bomb, set on the moment this class is over. Seconds feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours as our teacher's lecture goes on and on and on and I still have no clue what she's talking about. Occasionally, my eyes would wander to the boy in front of us, who's back is facing us. Never does he look over his shoulder and I'm grateful for that.

And then, after what felt like an eternity, the school bell rings. Without wasting a second, I jump up from my seat and stuff everything inside my school bag within a mere blink of an eye. I have everything planned out. I would dash out of the classroom without looking back and then run towards home and lock myself inside my room.

I'm already halfway in the hallway when Felix calls my name. I make the most stupid mistake ever and I stop in my tracks. I turn around and my eyes meet with Hyunjin's. And the time freezes for the second time today.

The boy blinks a few times and he's clearly nervous as he approaches me with Felix on his side. I can see the doubt, the reluctance in his movements. I should turn around and leave right at this moment. But my stupid feet are nailed to the floor. Students pass by, occasionally bumping their shoulders to mine as I stare ahead of me, watching Hyunjin getting closer and closer.

Run, Chaelin. Run.

But I can't.

"Hey," Hyunjin starts, slowly raking his hands through his raven hair. Felix stands behind him, almost looking scared. His hand lingers in the air as if he actually tried to stop his friend from approaching me.

As I don't reply, the silence soon turns awkward and we just stand there. I glance at him with narrowed eyes, he refuses to look at me at all. Felix lightly tugs on Hyunjin's arm, looking upright panicked right now. But Hyunjin shrugs his arm off and finally looks at me.

"We're going to the arcade right now," he explains, lightly tilting his head to the side. "Do you want to come with us this time?"

The smile he sends me is killing me.

And his stupid smile and the words he spoke are enough to cause the chaos to flood my mind again. The students that pass by become a blur and all that exists right now are Hyunjin, me and the surging anger that just came out of nowhere. My heart is beating, dangerously increasing its speed the longer I look at him. This should stop.

"No," I reply through gritted teeth. My own tone frightens me, but I slowly feel the control slipping away further and further away. Felix bites his lower lip, looking away as if he can't take it anymore. The regret I feared so much fills Hyunjin's eyes. Everything is going wrong again. This should freaking stop.

"Leave me alone, Hwang," I whisper, defeated.

His brown eyes sadden, his shoulders drop in the same defeat. "If that's what you want," he softly replies, his voice hoarse.

We stare into each other's eyes a moment too long before I tear my gaze away and aggressively turn around. I mentally curse myself as I walk off. I am blinded, blinded by emotions I don't even know the names of. Everything becomes a mere haze as I flee through the hallways. Students give me weird looks and I realize tears have been flowing freely ever since I left Hyunjin behind.

I roughly grab my jacket from the locker and dash out of the school building, not even bothering to grab my other belongings and books I might need for homework. As soon as I passed the school's main gate, I start to run. I'm a freaking coward.

The anger quickly subdues and is replaced by an empty sadness.

This is why everyone hates you. The words from that girl during lunch break echo through my mind and no matter how much I try to fight them, I can't. Because I know how true they are.

The front door is unlocked and my mom is nowhere to be found. Probably out somewhere, getting wasted as usual. I couldn't care less. My tempo drops to a point where I'm dragging my feet, every step becoming heavier and heavier until I reach the edge of my bed. I collapse onto the soft mattress, but not before grabbing a certain item from the dresser.

Hyunjin's colorful scarf.

I hug it closely as I curl up into a little ball of sadness as I curl under the blankets. It even smells like Hyunjin. But what does that mean now? I ruined everything with that stupid temper. I let everything get the best of me again.

I'm a living disaster and I hate myself.

I'm nothing better than my dad.

--

I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you in the next chapters😏 (and below, maybe?)

cAn YoU sToP mR hWaNg