365 Days At The Swings

Sarah

I am sitting in this midst of darkness, trying to convince myself  that I am going to be alright.  Because, that's all I have left.

False hope.

I been lying to myself for so long , that maybe I can convince myself that it's the truth. That I will be okay.

But no.   

I have cancer.

I am not going to be alright.

I can't lie about it anymore.

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"She doesn't have anyone anymore." 

That's the first sentence I hear. Not a great a way to wake up really.  

As I sit here motionless in the hospital room, the scents of unidentifiable foods and medical substances invade my nose. I thought hospitals are suppose to make you feel better and not do the opposite. 

"She has me you piece of shit. You don't even pay any attention to her anymore. All you care about is the wedding." 

That voice, I can't quite tell where it is coming from, but I recognized it. I knew that voice.

"Maybe it's coming from outside."

I thought numbly to myself. Squinting my eyes, I craned my head towards the hospital hall. From what I can see, I watched as a tall figure walked back and forth, his arms swinging back and forth as he yelled through his phone.

"You call yourself a father? The only reason why we are still with you is because we are dependent on your money." 

"Don't turn this around on me. You can't use the dead mom card all the time."

"I have to go, my friend is in the hospital."

'"Remember RahRah? Yeah. Out of all the people in the world, she's the one who gets the cancer."

"No,  I haven't seen Leo, okay yeah whatever, bye."

Only one person in this world would call me RahRah.

Little Al.

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"For a person who has been in a coma for week, you look pretty good." 

 A voice pops into my mind, it sounds familiar, but I am too weak to even bother to figure whose voice it was. 

"Look at you. Sleeping away. I do admire your bravery. I still can't believe you have cancer.  But you are still that same stubborn, spoiled brat." 

"I hate you, you know that? I can't stand to look at you, you are the constant living reminder of why mom died."

"Your mom was a whore, no is  a whore. I wonder if you  are one too. You seem to have Leo wrapped around your fingers. But there is also this other boy, he is here all the time. Visiting you. Watching you sleep. I have to wait usually an hour for him to leave. God, you have a lot of admirers."

"But that will change, you know? It will change. I will take back everything that was suppose to be mine. Slowly, by slowly, I will take everything that's yours."'

"I have to go now. Goodbye, Sis."