365 Days At The Swings

Leo and Sarah

L e o

"I don't even know where to begin. But before I even start, I should tell you one thing."
I mumbled, as I glanced over at Sarah. It's been merely weeks since I have seen her and I am merely blown away on how awful she looks. Her natural tanned skin is fainted, a bit pale perhaps. Her lips are cracked and the bags under her eyes are darkened and deep. What the hell happened to her?
"And what's that Leo?"
Sarah responded back quietly as she started playing with a strand of her hair. Speaking of hair, that's also another thing that changed. It seems thinner for some reason.
"I kissed another a girl."

S a r a h

I am gonna tell you one thing that you probably already know. Chemotherapy, hurts like a fucking bitch. It's even worse then stepping into a Lego. But this. This emotion, that I am registering , it's somehow worse then chemo. The sense of losing someone you love hurts. And it hurts like a bitch.

A few minutes has gone by, and all I can do is stare at the ugly creamed walls. I can't cry at the moment because that's all I been for the past weeks. Nor I can be angry, because I don't have the energy for it. So I went with my best option.
Silence.

"Sarah, please, say something."
Leo mumbled, as he looked at me worriedly. Now that I know that he has been cheating on me, I can't tell him that I have cancer. Pity is something I can't afford to have. I have enough pity to last me for a lifetime.
"What do you want me to do Leo?"
"I want you to tell me how you feel?"
"How I feel? Honestly, I feel okay. At least you were being honest with me. Relieved that you didn't led me on. Because that's worse then being cheated on Leo. Being led on. Thinking that the person you love, loves you back, but in reality they don't. So thank you, you told me the truth. There's not much I can do with the information really. I am in a hospital. I can't just go to the girl and threaten her like any other normal girlfriend. But you know what Leo, I will do something different. I will let you go. You can be with her. But in return, I don't want you to have any contact with me. Nor with my family or friends. Also I don't want you visiting me in the hospital, okay? Deal?"

L e o

"You know that I can't do that."
I replied back a split second later as Sarah finished ranting. I know that I messed up, but she was willing to throw away our entire friendship? I was emotionally invested in her life and I can't imagine my life with her. Either as my girlfriend or not. She was going to be in my life.
"I don't think I can really handle being friends with you right now. I hope you can at least understand that."

"And I can't handle losing you."
I argued back, as I stared back at her. 

"Well, that's the thing Leo. You see, you already have."