LUCI

(19) - Apprehensive

Apprehensive

~ Uneasy or fearful about something that might happen ~

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I'm stuck between utterly happy and utterly terrified at the same time. I've been home, well Luci's house, for 2 days now. Luci hasn't left my side once and it's helping me forget whats happened in the last week. However, I'm terrified that I'm going to have to re-live what happened. I keep looking over my shoulder every time I hear a noise. I don't want my mothers men to come back and get me. I don't even know what's happened to my mother. What happened to Paul. 

My brother and Luci have been trying to keep me busy so I don't start thinking about them. They don't want me to keep replaying the events in my head. Every time I start to think about it I begin to have a panic attack but Luci or Alex are always there for me to calm me down before it gets any worse. The last few nights I have slept in Luci's bed, like I normally do but, he has kept me close. He is always making sure I'm still in bed with him, it's normally an arm wrapped around my waist, he's making sure I haven't disappeared again. I feel bad for running out on him like that but I couldn't let anything happen to Nico. 

Nico came and saw me yesterday and it was nice. He was still looking a little rough but he's okay which is good. It makes me think that it wasn't all for nothing.

Now that I know Luci has feelings for me, I've relaxed a little. I now know that it's not just a one-sided thing. I mean sure we haven't know each other for very long and we have a lot of getting to know each other but I feel physically drawn to him. He seems to make all of the bad things disappear. I'm glad that I'm surrounded by good people. 

My father, Stephano, even came to visit this morning. It was nice. We sat and talked but he didn't ask me if I was okay. I'm glad he didn't because I'm sick of people asking me. Luci must ask me at least 50 times in the space of an hour. I know he's only worrying but like worry a little less please. 

It's now dark our and I'm sat on the sofa with the gang. My brother, Nico and Santos are sprawled out over two of the couches and Luci and I are sat on the other one. I've got my legs over his and he's got a hand resting on them in a comforting way. I'm wearing his shirt and a pair of my shorts but as the shirt is so big you can't see the shorts. We are all watching 'How I met your mother' because apparently Alex and Santos have been binge watching it for the last few weeks. We've all been completely silent but because I am who I am I like to break the silence by making a little bit of awkward tension.

"Is out mother dead?" I ask and they all look round at me. I wonder if any of them are going to speak as none of them have said anything in the last few minutes. 

"Um. No, She isn't" Alex replies. I just nod and then they all look back at the tv, except Luci. He continues to stare at me so I begin to stare back. Once he realises he's staring he snaps out of it and sends me a small smile. I give him a smile back and then turn back to scrolling through instagram. I haven't really been watching the tv but I like sitting here with all of them. They make me feel safe, especially when I'm so uneasy right now.

"I think we need to get going, it's pretty late and we have things to do tomorrow" Santos announces as he stands up from the couch. Alex and Nico grunt in unison before standing up themselves. I stand up to say goodbye and give Alex a hug. 

Alex gives me a long hug back and just before he pulls away he whispers in my ear, "I'm so sorry about all of this. This was never meant to happen. You were supposed to be safe when you joined us."