LUCI

18 - Trepidation

Trepidation

~ Tremulous fear, alarm, or agitation ~

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Do you ever feel the need to ask yourself why you're such a fuck up? Probably not but I have.

In this exact moment I'm wondering how I've messed up so bad to end up where I am. I used to see my mother as my best friend, the only person who loved me, a mother but now I see her as someone with no heart. I hardly recognise her.

I've never felt so scared in my life. The events of tonight seem to be getting worse by the second. Right now I'm sat on the floor, frozen in fear because Luci has a gun pointed at my head. What the fuck is going on?

My mother wants me dead.

I don't even understand how someone could hate their own daughter that much. I don't even understand how I made her want to Kill me. I don't even understand why I'm wishing Paul was here right now?

I liked it so much better when Paul was my soon to be stepfather and he was an ass. My mother was pregnant with the little baby boy. We were a normal dysfunctional family. We argued like a normal family, I hated Paul like most stereotypical stepchildren would. We were normal.

My mind keeps flashing back to the day we moved into that stupid house. I was wishing that everything would go back to normal, but now I realise how stupid I was. That was happy! Now I wish everything would go back to normal. Now I wish that that day would happen again so I could change the way it happened. I would tell my brother to go away, I wouldn't join the Mafia and I would still be living like most normal teenagers do.

I stare Luci right in the eyes. If he's going to shoot me then he's going to look at me when he does it. I want him to really see what he's doing. He's killed hundred of people but I want to make sure that when he kills me, it hurts. I won't be another body to add to the list.

The room is thick with the tension between Luci and I. He's almost as terrified as I am but then I see a glimmer. Hope. I see a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

What is he up to?

"Could you hurry up? I have things to do" My mother asks him, breaking the silence in the room, seeming rather bored of this situation.

"Yeah I know, anytime today would be good" He says, giving me a wink. Um, what the fuck? He's winking at me? Not the time Luci. You're about to shoot me. I watch as Luci puts his finger on the trigger and I close my eyes.

It all happens as if it was in slow motion.

The loud bang rings in my ears. In fact, I hear multiple loud bangs and my head starts to spin. I squeeze my eyes closed even more than they already are.

I feel my entire body go limp and everything goes black. All of the pain suddenly fades.

***

I'm lying in something that feels like I'm on a cloud and I'm surrounded by a smell I've missed for the last 4 days. I slowly open my eyes and I'm in the familiar warmth of Luci's room. I lift my head slightly, leaving me with a throbbing headache, and I see Luci asleep in the chair. He looks so peaceful sleeping there. A small smile is bought to my face as I watch him.