LUCI

3 - Incentive

Incentive

~ A thing that motivates or encourages someone to do something ~

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So many thought have gone through my head in the last 4 days. The one thing that Alex said that stuck in my head was 'I want to tell you everything because then I know you would chose to leave mother and Paul '. It was the way he said it. He regretted it not being able to tell me. Clearly whatever he had to say was so important that it would make me want to leave my 'family'. Family was a strange thing right now. At this very moment in time, I had two. I had my mother and Paul. I also had my father and Alex. Some people don't even get one family but I have two.

Paul forced me to start school on Wednesday, which was more stress added to the stress I already had. I didn't want to make friends because I'm not even sure how long I was going to be there. Was there any point in making friends? I don't even know what I am going to do, yet it is like I am already planning to leave this world behind. The sad thing is, I think I want to leave them behind. Ever since Tuesday night, Paul has been acting stranger than ever, it might be because mother is now in the hospital as the baby is due any day now but it's a strange feeling I get when he is near me. I feel unsafe. It's like Paul knew I might leave. He kept making jokes about me being kicked out of the house. It was like he was taunting me. Maybe he knew about Alex and that was his Incentive. Who am I kidding? He couldn't know about Alex! I am actually laughing right now at how stupid I feel.

Incentive is a weird word to me. It's weird how we can be motivated to do something by a thing. Unfortunately I knew exactly what my Incentive was for the decision I was about to make. The words 'I Know'. The way Alex said 'I know'. He said 'I know you would leave'. How was he so sure about the fact I would leave? It has to be something huge because leaving my mother will cause her to go back into that downward spiral. Losing another child on their 18th birthday. It would be heart breaking for any parent. However, those two words have been swirling around my brain for the last 4 days , 'I know'.

Those two words are my incentive for what I'm about to say. "Nico, I've made my decision" I whisper in his ear. He just turns to look at me with curiosity. "I will go with Alex. I will leave my mother behind" Nico's face looks somewhat shocked. I don't think anybody thought I would agree. Nico saw what my brother leaving did to my mother, he must think I'm a horrible daughter but I need to know.

"May I ask why?" Nico questions.

"He mentioned two words to me that made my decision the minute he said them, 'I know'" Nico looks happy with my answer and I feel happy with my answer. I had 3 weeks until my birthday and then I would be out of here. If I get told the whole story by then is a different topic entirely.

"Alex will be here at 7pm sharp to pick you up. Do not be late. The third rule of the organisation is don't be late. It is not tolerated" Nico says sternly but with a look of happiness in his eyes. He makes me feel like I made the right decision.

"What are the first two rules?" I hesitantly ask

"One, Don't break Omertà. Two, Don't disobey The Boss" It's like these have been drilled into his head. Firstly what the fuck is Omertà and secondly who the fuck is this 'boss' everyone keeps going on about. Ugh! One question answered, a million more questions created.

I finished school 3 hours ago so I've only got an hour until Alex picks me up. My mother and Paul won't even care that I'm gone because they are at the hospital. Mother went to the hospital last night so they will probably be there for a few days. As I have an hour to kill I head upstairs and get changed our of my uniform. Yes my stupid school and uniform, it's this ugly ass red tartan skirt and a stupid red v-neck jumper. It's a school for wanna be nuns basically and I hate it. All the girls there are stuck up and all talk about their 'boyfriends' 24/7. Get a fucking life! I had a boyfriend before I moved away but we broke things off as I wouldn't see him again. I don't think I love him and I don't think he loved me. We were just in a relationship because our friends said we were cute. We did a few things together but I never slept with him. I could have but I didn't. I'm not sure why.