Growing From The Pain

1

I look up from the fields of Juniberries I've been cultivating for years now. A few tears escape my eye and fly away in the nice Spring breeze. I head to the nearby hill where Kalternecker stands next to a tree. "Hey girl," I say patting her back. Her moo is my response. What it means I'm not sure of. I take a seat next her and stare out at the vast fields of food and flowers.

"This sure is nice. Relaxing is a beautiful thing every now and then ain't it." I look up at Kalternecker who is happily munching on grass. She lays down next to me when she's done and I lean against her. "Why are you so soft?" I receive another moo. I chuckle to myself. "You're adorable." The spring breeze blows across my face and the smell of Juniberries is in the air. It passes by my nose filling it with the scent. Slowly I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up Kalternecker is sleeping still. The breese has died down. I look around me. Everything is the same. Sometimes I wake up and see her next to me. More tears escape my eyes. I wipe them away quickly. I stand and lay myself on the tree trunk. This life, while calm and collected, isn't for me. Maybe it would be if I had someone to love and take care of like Shiro. Sure I have my family and I'm grateful for them, but it's not helping. The pain is still there no matter what they do to try and heal it. "I need help," I whisper to myself.

A flash of light in the sky catches my attention. I think it's the Teledav. I watch as a fleet of tiny ships emerges from it. They all follow in formation to a some landing spot I can't see. Pidge is doing well. Out here I'm secluded. I haven't talked to anyone, even my sister, from the coalition in years. The only time I've really seen them is at the feast which is actually coming up. I pull out my phone and check the date. "Tomorrow?" I yell to myself. I am not prepared at all.

I wake up Kalty and rush her down the hillside with me. I put her in the stable feed her and give her water. Then I rush to our main house. I barge in and rush to my room to pack my things. I come out with two suitcases as if the journey will be forever. "Hey mom," I say out of breath at the last step.

"Lance, honey, are you okay? You look like you need rest. Go get some rest. I'll take these and wake you up when it's time to eat. Then we can send you on your way to the Coalition base." I nod. As instructed I hand over my bags and take a quick nap. I lay in my lonely bed for probably an hour before I realize I'm not going to sleep.

I stare at my Allura poster that I can't remember when or where I got it. She's standing with a brilliant smile on her face. More tears push themselves out of my eyes. I cry into my pillow. It's loud and ugly. This makes me fall asleep. A knock on my door wakes me up. I open it and find my sister, Veronica, standing there. She hugs me tightly. "Hey bro," she says pulling away. "How are you?"

"I could be better," I reply rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I don't even try to fix my messed up hair.

"You know you've grown a mullet right?" I feel the back of my head and sure enough a tiny mullet has been made from my growing hair. I chuckle.

"It was Keith's goodbye gift. He left me with the curse of the mullet." I shake my fist at the air. Veronica and I chuckle a little together. We haven't seen each other in forever. "Well, mom finished lunch. Let's go down to eat." We walk down together and I receive a mixture of worried looks from everybody.

One of the new kids of the family points at my hair. "It's messy," he says. I chuckle.

"Yeah, I just woke up. I'll fix it after I'm done eating." They all nod, but that doesn't change the tone of the atmosphere. I can feel it in their murmured talks and whispers. In their movements as I pass by. They're worried about me. For what reason though? I'm obviously fine. A bit of crying now and then never hurt anyone.