Growing From The Pain

2

I roll over in bed. I run the sleep out of my eyes and find a giant cosmic black and blue dog panting over me. Out of instinct I back away which makes it whine. A few seconds later I come to realize it's Keith's space dog Cosmo. I pet him on the head and he graciously licks my hand. He picks something up off the ground. It looks like a gift.

The lacing of the bow was golden. I open the tied box carefully. In it I find two pairs of earrings. They're like the ones Allura had. My eyes fill with tears. I hold them close to me. A part of me believes she's in them. My heart skips a few beats. I look at the dog who just sits there panting. I'm about to ask him a question, but he disappears into thin air. I shake my mind out of its trance. Today is the day.

The day it all went wrong. The day it all went right. The day she gave her life so that we could live ours. I cried into my pillow for a bit before actually getting up. I complete all normal morning tasks. I do a few exercises, get in the shower, brush my teeth, and actually doing my hair. I walk out my room in my old Paladin outfit. The color remains blue.

I stare at the equally dreaded and loved color. I feel a pat on my back. I turn to find Shiro behind me. I turn to hug him. "I know it still hurts." I nod. "It will heal one day. I promise you. It will heal." I thank him. We walk into the main room where Pidge and Hunk are talking to each other. We join them in there seats. They talk amongst themselves, but I'm lost in my thoughts.

"Boo." I actually jump out of my seat and into a fighting position. The others try to calm me down. I lay eyes on Keith holding his hands up in defense. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." He walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. "I know today is hard for you." I hug him back with an intensity never know. The others join in on the hug.

After we pull away we all sit down again. I see Shiro shake his head profusely at something behind me.  Turning, I find Coran a few paces behind me smiling widely. He quickly takes a seat and joins in on their conversations. I'm still in my own world though. I'm remembering the one date we went on. All the times we had fun together. The games we played and the adventures we had. It's an emotional trip for my mind. "Remember when we first met Allura," I say.

The others smile lightly. We're brought back to the exact moment both her and Coran fell from their pods. I remember having a little fight with Coran. There's a long sigh of peace between us all. Coran jumps up from his own seat. "Well come on then! Today is Allura's day. We should be having fun and talking to the people. She would have loved it." We all jump from our seats.

Walking outside we see a whole festival full of carnival games and rides. Altean children and other alien races, like the Galra, are all at the festival. The others shout out with joy. I just stare at it all, silently taking in my enjoyment. She would have liked this. A carnival like this would have been our second date or maybe out five hundredth. Who knows? Right. I sigh and take in the fresh breeze and morning sun.

"Alright," I yell. I point to the carnival. "Time to have some fun!" The others encourage my outburst. Keith grabs me while Shiro stalks off with the others. "Where are you taking me?"

"I don't know," Keith says. "Anywhere I guess." He stops and turns to me for a bit. "I want you to have fun today. I want you to forget your worries and let yourself go."

"Okay," I say, letting a smile dawn on me. Smiling widely now, he pulls me to one carnival game after another. We compete for prizes, but it wasn't really competition. He won most of them. Even if they were gun games.

"You got rusty," he bragged. I stick out my tongue. We head over to what looks like a cotton candy stand. "Want some?" I stare at the blue white strings of what I assume was an Altean sugar. They remind me of her hair. I just nod slightly. He gets in line and I just sit down.

I rub my forehead. I can feel a headache coming on. I pull out my pills and grab my water bottle. My head pounds with pain. I take the pill and wait for it to take effect. Keith walks over as I'm putting my pills away. He grabs them as I'm about to put them away. "What are these for?"

"Headaches," I say trying to steal them back. He moves out of the way, shoving the cotton candy in my face. I gladly partake in it. Just like cotton candy it was sweet. I hear Keith chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"Why do you have these? I didn't think the great Lover Boy Lance would ever need any medication. Especially this kind." He sits next to me. I end up staring at the statue of her in the distance.

"My psychiatrist prescribed it. Along with sleeping pills and anti-depressants." I look over at him, but he's looking the same way I had been.

"Never thought I'd hear Lance and psychiatrist in the same sentence." We chuckle.

"Never thought I'd see you without a mullet," I say, flicking his ponytail. He looks back at me.

"Never thought I'd see you with one. I always thought you hated them." I shake my head.

"I like making fun of you. Though they are stupid." I flick at my own little mullet. He turns to me completely.

"Okay. Now it's time to spill. How are you?"

"Fine." He shakes his head. "Did I say something wrong?"

"You lied. You're not fine. I heard you crying from inside your room. So, I'm gonna ask again. How are you?" I search his eyes for the truth. If this was a game it wasn't funny, but he was serious. Not an ounce of anything other than worry laid in his eyes.

"I'm not fine. I need pills to help me sleep at night because if I try to go to sleep without them I have nightmares. I watch her walk away and I am constantly reminded of how I failed to save her. My new Altean lineage doesn't help the pain. I'm broken Keith. I haven't been myself since that moment."

He pulls me into a hug where I cry my eyes out. When I'm done he hands me a tissue. "What do you want me to do?" I look up at him confused. "I don't know how to help you, but you do. I want to be there to help you. The B.o.M doesn't have any missions for a while and even if they did Acxa can handle them. You need someone with you right now." He pulls me into another hug. "So tell me. What do I need to do?"

"There's a few options," I say, pulling away from the hug. "You could kill me. Killing me would be good." I watch his the concerned frown grow on his face. "What?"

"That's not funny."

"Who said I was trying to be funny?" His brow furrows now. He grabs my hand and pulls me through crowds of Alteans. Some recognize who we are and say hi. I just wave, but am quickly pulled behind Keith. He takes me to the statue.

"Look at her!" I do, trying my hardest not to break down. "Do you think she wants you to die?" A tear falls from my eye. Then another and another. Soon it's like a waterfall. "I know she would never want that." He makes me face him. "I want to help you. So please. Tell me what I can do."

I fall to my knees crying. I let out a wail that showed how much I was breaking. Keith held me in his arms. It's about an hour before I actually calm down. "Keith, can you come back with me to Earth?" A small smile graces his lips.

"Sure."