Growing From The Pain

3

We have our annual feast. I listen to everybody's stories about all the crazy things that have happened. All the wars they've stopped and all the good they've done. The stories make me smile, but it's distant. All I can think about is Keith. His offer. How he won't give up on me. All the others laugh at a story of Hunk getting sick from some something, but I didn't hear what it was from.

"What about you Lance? Do you have any stories?"

"No. All I do is help my mom and pop on the farm. I keep to myself mostly. Even within my family. It's peaceful. Something I thought I'd never see." I look up at Allura's statue. "It's all thanks to her though." I raise a glass. "To Allura!"

"To Allura!" the others shout. We clink our glasses and partake in Hunk's amazing meal. The others cheer and make merry. I isolate myself and watch them be jolly. Keith sits next to me.

"You gonna join in the dancing?"

"No. I've gotten to old for that now. My legs aren't the same," I joke. He chuckles and grabs my hand. "But I can't dance," I say in protest. Keith points to Shiro, who's doing the worst dance I've ever seen.

"If he can try his best so can you." I laugh as he pulls me to the grass in front of the statue. I point to it.

"This is for you." I start to dance around to the beat of Earth music. Keith follows my lead soon. Together we dance in front of the statue.

"Alright! Look at those two go!" someone shouts. Probably Pidge. The song suddenly slows down. It's, "The Night We Met." What a beautiful slow song. The whole team gathers around the statue. We put our arms around one another. We sway to the beautiful song. There's an ambiance in this moment. A sense of real peace. Not just from war, but from life and people. Tears start to fall down my eyes.

Small and slow at first. More come and soon it seems never ending. I end up in the middle a huge group hug. "We're here for you Lance," Keith says. "We always will be. Don't forget it." I cry into his shirt and hug him tightly. The song ended and there was a silence. We all stare up at the statue surrounded by glowing lights.

"I miss you."

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I wake from my sleep. There's no light like on that day. Her lion, along with the others, is traveling the universe. Where they are I have no clue? I jump from my bed. I'll just head home early. It's gonna happen like every year before. The cycle. We meet and then go back to our lives. I'll go back to my dull life alone without anyone.

I reach the outdoors. A few guards walk past me and wave. I feebly do the same not really wanting the attention. I make a break for some kind of small ship. There at the end of the path lays a gathering of small Altean crafts. I haven't flown in years. Will I be rusty? Only one way to find out. As I make it to the craft I realize something.

I know the route from here to Earth, but without a wormhole or a lion it will be a long journey. A very long journey. I sit on the floor next to the craft and bury my head in my hands. I rub my eyes, still desperate to close. If I can't skip out early what can I do? My head manifests a headache. It pounds against the walls of my head ceaselessly. I can't think straight.

Tears fall into my hands, pool, and break through any cracks they can find. My body jerks with each sniffle. A lightbulb clicked inside with the realization of an idea. "There's another way to skip out early," I say to the darkness. A slight breeze carries my words away. What it wants with them I don't know? Only I would understand it's meaning.

I got up from my spot. Looking to the horizon I found that the sun hadn't really risen yet. "Perfect." I rushed back inside. I found the kitchen and got a knife. Quickly I ran back to my room and locked it behind me. "Here goes- well, everything I guess." I pulled off my shirt. I brought the knife's cold steel to my skin.

I shivered under its touch. Words scrambled in my mind and filled it to the brim. Like giant screams and pleas they begged for me to listen. The black mess of words in my mind decided to manifest in another way. I dropped the knife and it clattered to the ground. It was loud. Ignoring it I pulled out a paper.

There the words spilled out:

I'm sorry you have to find this whomever you are. If you are a friend know that there is nothing you could do to stop this. I take full responsibility for what I will have already done by the time you're reading this. Please do not dirty your hands with my tainted blood for it is the reason for my undoing. The life it had in it while she was no longer there.

To the members of Voltron I want to apologize. I was a coward and couldn't tell you all what I wanted to. My mind has been taking itself to dark places ever since she left. The fact that I lasted this long tells you I put up a good fight. I promise that when I go wherever I'm supposed to go I'll say hi to her for all of us. Don't try to save me. I'm dead. Please leave it that way.

I folded it neatly and placed it, tent-style, on the bedside table. I went back to the floor and picked up the knife. I found my reflection in the shiny object. "You really are you're undoing." I chuckle. I put it back to my skin. I look towards the ceiling and take in a deep breath. "I'll be there soon." I made the first of many deep incisions in my arm. Blood fell from the wound. I hissed from the pain, but continued. Another not that far from the first and another after that.

I had four cuts on my left arm. I was shaking. I could feel the life leaving me. I wouldn't let it leave yet. I had to finish the job. Three more on my other arm.