Loneliness is a Bitch

ah christmas

I honestly don't know where to start this one other then diving right into this bitch so here we go

so, I discovered something today that will ultimately change how I view Christmas. yes, I know that sounds cheesy but it's true.

what I discovered was how this holiday actually means to me. it's funny cause I was thinking about it during prayer my uncle says before we eat Xmas lunch at my grandmas. I don't believe in god so if you think this is some sort of religious awakening then bitch you're wrong. anyways, so I sat there thinking: what does this holiday truly mean to me?

then I thought about last year, one of the most difficult years/Christmas of all fucking time. last year was the first Christmas I had with my parents divorced and I absolutely fucking hated it. Before that Christmas I couldn't even handle being on earth (very fucking sad and depressing when I think back on it now). The only thing holding me together afterwards were the fall out boy tickets that I got in January. And during January-March of this year, I had been the most sad and depressed bitch on the goddamn planet. I literally thought that Christmas before would be the last one I would have celebrated ever. I did a lot of shit during those months that I will probably never forget and regret for the rest of my life but that's besides the point.

What does this have to do with your awakening? Well, I made it to this Christmas. I fucking made it you guys. I'm actually alive. I made it through the temptations of those months and survived. Now that is a celebration.

basically, Christmas to me is a marker of my life, if that makes any sense. It's like when you make a goal for yourself and you want to complete it within the next year. My goal is to survive until Christmas and every year when I make it, I get to celebrate it with family and friends. It's like a little "omg you made it!" type thing even though no one knows lol. But, that's the best celebration in my opinion.

Screw Jesus, the presents, everything that you would usually celebrate Christmas for. Celebrate that you made it another year, that you didn't give up. Because that's the greatest gift of all.

let this be a life lesson for the people who are a little upset right now. it's okay, keep going, everything will get better I promise.

so yeah, that was my awakening. sorry if that was a little sad or whatever but I just thought I should write that down, for myself and for others.

Merry Christmas y'all! I hope you guys had/have a wonderful day and that you guys got the best presents (I got a ukulele and a record player!!). If you don't celebrate then happy holidays!

see ya later my fellow bad bitches, say bad xx
~brick