Every Game

Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Dear, God

Do you know what is more painful that seeing someone close to you hurting? It is when you can't do anything but to stare at them. The fact that even you badly want to comfort them, you can't because you know you are not capable of.

Magkaibigan na kami, pero ramdam ko pa rin ang pader sa pagitan namin. Hindi niya hinahayaang makalapit ako nang husto sa kanya. Sa tuwing bibigay ito ay mabilis niyang tinatatagan uli. I can't blame him... We just met. Those walls he built around him will protect him from intruders who only wants but a glimpse of him.

But then... I do the same. I never tried to break those walls. I never tried to step closer to him. I never tried to make him believe me. Because I am scared too. I am scared I might do what his parents have done. I am afraid to hurt him.

Gripping the steering wheel tightly, he was driving recklessly. Pigil ang paghinga ko sa tuwing mag-o-overtake siya ng mga sasakyan. Madulas pa ang daan dahil katatapos lang ng ulan. But his mind was clouded of thoughts to even think about that.

Napapikit ako nang makitang malapit ng mag-red ang traffic light sa isang intersection, pero mas binilisan ni Rocky ang pagmamaneho. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa upuan ko habang naghihintay ng ilang segundo bago dumilat uli.

Ilang segundo ay naramdaman kong bumagal ang pagtakbo namin. Pagkamulat ko ng mata ay nakahinto pala kami. Hindi niya itinuloy ang pagtawid sa intersection kahit na halos magpula ng ang ilaw.

I caught him staring at me. His cold brown eyes were like a dagger, slightly penetrating my chest. He helped me with my game, he did well. And here I am on his game, doing nothing but thinking how useless I am.

"Did I scare you?" There was a glimpse of guilt in his deep voice.

Bahagya akong umiling. Ramdam ko pa rin ang kabog sa dibdib ko.

Bumagsak ang tingin niya sa mga kamay kong mahigpit ang kapit sa upuan. Mabilis na inalis ko ito at pinatong na lang sa hita ko.

Napapikit siya nang madiin, bumali ang kanyang leeg bago muling tumingin sa kalsada. Panandalian niyang inalis sa manibela ang kamay para hilutin ang mga ito. Napansin ko ang pamumula roon dala ng sobrang higpit ng pagkapit sa manibela.

I was trembling when I tried to reach for his hands. Hindi ko pa iyon nahahawakan nang muli siyang humawak sa manibela at nagmaneho na uli. Bumagsak uli ang mga kamay ko sa aking hita.

"I'll drive you home," he whispered.

"Go ahead. But I won't leave your car," I said.

Huminga siya nang malalim bago umiling. "I don't want you to get in trouble, especially if I am the reason. Fuck it! Can't you see? I am a mess. I can't leave that place with a stable mind."

"I guess that's what we have in common," I uttered. "I am about to betray my best friend. I messed up my relationship with them. So, fuck it, boy! I don't want to go home yet. It is either bring me with you or drag me out of here."

He frowned. "You know that I can't drag you, Mads."

I looked at him then smiled, "I guess you don't have a choice now."

He chortled. "Looks like... "

Mayamaya ay lumampas na kami sa mga nagtataasang building. Sumunod ang malawak na palayan hanggang sa huminto kami sa isang malawak na lugar. May isang tarangkahan na tila nilamon na rin ng panahon. May nagbabantay na mga maskuladong lalaki roon. They were both holding flashlights on their hands.

Ibinaba ni Rocky ang salamin ng bintana. Sumaludo sa kanya ang dalawang lalaki bago binuksan ang gate. Napatingin sa gawi ko ang dalawang lalaki. Nangilabot ako sa tingin nila. Puno rin ng tattoo ang kanilang mga braso.