Infatuation (h.s)

Five

*moving day*

~Stella's pov~

Today is the day I'm finally moving. I can't seem to contain the excitement I've had all week. I can leave every ounce of pain, regret and sadness I've ever felt here. I would be lying if I didn't say a small part of me was scared and anxious, only because I wasn't sure what to expect. I mainly feared feeling all alone in London but truly that wouldn't be much different then living here. My biggest fear is being alone, so you could say all my life I've been living a recurring nightmare.

I don't know why I'm scared of it. Maybe I hate it because when I'm alone I have a fear of being lost in my own thoughts and the solitude of my mind.

My Dad continuously has told me to be independent I need to get over my fear, but independence and feeling alone are two completely different things. Independence is being able to be self-sufficient, and being alone is like isolation and feeling abandoned.

"Honey are you almost done packing?" My dad yells upstairs breaking me of my train of thoughts.

"Yes I'll be done in a few minutes!" I reply.

"Ok because once we get packed up we're stoping at your Mother's to say goodbye!"

I sighed in frustration the last thing I was interested in right now was seeing my mother. If she strikes one nerve with me I think I'll loose it, I'm already on edge.

I threw the last of things in my overly stuffed suitcase, and looked around my bare room. There was nothing left except my bed frame and my light blue painted walls. I remember when my dad and I first moved in here he would repeatedly ask if I wanted to repaint the walls but I never would. I never wanted to repaint them because that would mean I would have to accept the fact that this was my home, my bedroom, and not someone else's. Throughout my childhood I just thought my dad would come and rescue my mum from her new husband and we could be one big happy family again. Unfortunately as I grew up I was shocked by the fact that wasn't reality.

I grabbed my suitcase and shut the door behind me. I smiled contently and promised myself that would be the last time I slept in there for a very long time.

"Ready?" My Dad asked and I nodded telling him I was. My Dad leaned in to hug me, to which I quickly reciprocated.

"I can't believe it's really happening all week I've been trying to convince myself you would be alright but now I know you will. You've always done the best you could and I'm proud of you for coming this far." he told me and kissed my forehead, then pulling away. I'm not use to seeing him this heartfelt and emotional. He's the only thing about this place that I'll miss but in the end I know we'll both be alright. He's got so many friends here and he has his job to keep him going.

"Thanks Dad. I'm excited but my nerves seem to be taking over now." I told him.

"Stel you get nervous all the time, everything makes you nervous. You're also an open minded person though so I know you'll get over it."

"You're going to be ok right dad?"

"It's sad to see you go because you're all I have but don't worry I'll be ok. Seeing you achieve what you want out of life is enough comfort for me." He reassured me.

My Dad and I finished loading the rest of my luggage into his small Honda Civic.

When we were finished we both got into the car and drove away. I turned around and stared at house from my window. I felt more then terrible leaving my dad here all alone, part of me knew he hated it here just as much as I did.

"Have you ever thought of getting a dog?" I suggested to him.

"Not really but I may consider it now."