Chaotic yet serene II words

An apology letter

"An apology letter"

The blue sky isn't visible anymore everything was swallowed by the gloomy night. Silence eats the place it's too loud that I couldn't here anything. I looked above and the moon is already smiling at me. I smiled back it's us again, it's me and the moon again. I hope she won't be tired of hearing my rants in life. The moon have always known my secrets. She always listen to whatever I say. And tonight, we're going to have a conversation again without words. I started to move my body and let my feet bring me to wherever she wants to.

It's exactly 11 o'clock in the night and I don't know what brought me here. I just found myself walking in the middle of the night wearing a jacket to hide the memories of yesterday's, earphones on my ears with music to escape the reality. A perfect time to let myself lost in reverie.

I stopped from walking when I saw the street lights are catching their breaths. The last one is turning off and on, and the end of the road is completely misty. It's creepy and frightening since I am the only one here. But I guess, nothing is scarier than being left behind by the person you trusted the most.

I closed my eyes and an image of a person that I caused so much pain appeared. I want to say sorry to the person I have hurt. I'm sorry if I always doubt you I didn't give you the trust you deserve. I'm sorry because I belittled you I only focused on what you lacked at, and not on what you have. I want to apologize for being numb I didn't consider your feelings. I'm so selfish because I didn't see that you are already hurting. Trust me, I already regret all the things I've done and said. You are not worthless like what I've always said. You are not stupid like what you think people see you as. You are not boring like what you think of yourself. I remember when you said that you don't deserve to be friends with anyone cause you don't belong here. It's not true, sweetheart. Forgive me for saying you are weak because you do not fight back when people start to make the things complicated. I realized now that it is because you are matured enough to fight back. You don't have to be in a war to defend yourself, and I admire you for being like that.

You are the most amazing person I have ever known. The way you smile when almost all of them are throwing you through the dirt. It is still genuine. You are strong because you've came at this far. You're so brave for not letting the hinder and obstacles to keep you on going. You deserve to be loved because your heart is so genuine and pure. You never hold grudges towards someone eventhough they are on the line already. You are special, sweetheart and I hope you know that, I'm sorry.

A million sorry for not seeing your worth. A million sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most. Most especially, I want to say sorry for myself for not loving you.