From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

DECEMBER 1998 - EM (Part 2)

Hailie leapt into my arms the moment I stepped foot in Lex's house. She was so excited, she almost knocked me backwards. I hugged her tight and gave her a kiss on her head that smelled like baby shampoo; Lex must've given her another bath last night. It was early. I had taken a red eye flight outta Cali so that, with the time change, I could be back in Detroit by 8am. I was tired as fuck. 

The video shoot had lasted all day the day before – from 7am to 5pm but we had gotten it all done in what was apparently record time. Then I had the show at The Whiskey from 8-9pm and an afterparty til almost midnight. I could've stayed longer, and Royce and Proof wanted to, but I took my ass to the airport instead so that I could spend some time with my daughter. I had done my best to sleep on the 4 ½ hour flight home but wasn't able to get more than a couple hours worth of shut eye. But it didn't matter. That bright, happy little face was worth it. I was so fuckin' grateful to Lex cuz it really seemed like Hailie had enjoyed herself.

"Look at my gingey house Daddy!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the dining room where a gingerbread house posed in the middle of the table. It looked pretty good for a 2 year old to have done most of the work, or so Lex had said. Hailie pointed out all the different candies before popping one of them into her mouth.

"Hey! No candy til after pancakes," Lex laughed from the kitchen. "I even put chocolate chips in here for you Hai."

"Yay-ay-ay!!" she clapped, jumping up and down in her nightgown and slippers. I joined Lex in the kitchen and wrapped my arms around her waist as she flipped the maple sausage on the stove to reveal a perfectly fried underside.

"Where's your mom at?" I asked in her ear. I could feel her shiver slightly as my breath hit her neck. She bent it away from me slightly, giving me room to kiss her softly behind one of her shiny stud earrings.

"Asleep. She got off at 3, so she'll probably be asleep til lunchtime." She turned around to face me and placed both hands on either side of my face, gently stroking my cheeks with her thumbs. Goddamn did I miss that face. We hadn't hung out much or slept together in over a week cuz of her studying for finals and me bein' in the studio with Dre workin' on his new album and then me goin' to Cali. I missed the feel of her under my hands; I suddenly felt a throbbing bulge form in my pants as her freshly woke face reminded me of waking up next to her and the things we'd do to each other during the early morning hours in the privacy of my trailer.

She kissed me innocently before gesturing behind my shoulder with her eyes. Behind me, Hailie held up a bunch of pictures she had colored. "Are those for me?" I asked, crouching down beside her. She proceeded to tell me what each picture was while Lex continued making breakfast.

A couple hours later, the three of us were in Lex's car on our way to our activity for the day. I had remembered a place my uncle Ronnie and I used to go to in the winter when we were kids, and I decided to take Hailie there.

We pulled into the parking lot at Rolling Hills Winter Park around noon. We'd had such a big breakfast of both chocolate chip and regular pancakes, eggs, sausage, and fruit that we decided to just go straight for the hills and do lunch afterwards. Lex and Hailie were all bundled up in fleeces under their coats, gloves, hats, scarves, and winter boots. I knew I was gonna probably fuck up my Tims but didn't have anything else to wear that would work in the snow. Lex made sure I wore a beanie and a pair of gloves even though I didn't think it was that cold.

After renting our tube, we spent the next hour going up and down the 275-foot hill. Forwards, backwards, sideways, spinning....I even ended up grabbing a second tube so we could race. Hailie was fearless and loved every minute of it. The snow was perfect. The sun was out and there was no wind, except when we were shooting down the hill at top speed. The sounds of Lex and Hailie laughing and giggling and shrieking through it all boosted my confidence since it had been my idea to come here. It felt like a real family moment, which said a lot since I wasn't used to havin' too many of those.