From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

INTERVIEW 2018 - EM

Anderson Cooper: "So, now that your memory is refreshed from watching the video of that show, do you remember what that girl was saying to you in your ear?" Anderson smiled curiously.

Em: "I honestly couldn't hear her the first couple of times. It was loud as fuck. But um...the last time I think I heard her say somethin' about partyin' with me after the show or gettin' a drink together or somethin'."

Anderson Cooper: "But you never gave her a direct answer? At least it doesn't look like you did from the video."

Em: "Nah...I just wanted to give the crowd a little somethin' extra to keep their minds on the show, you know? A little onstage entertainment between the music is always a good thing."

We were interrupted by a text alert on my phone. "Sorry, I gotta get this," I said to Coop as I checked it. He waited patiently, sipping whatever was in his mug in the meantime. It was a text from Hailie confirming dinner plans for later that night. I texted her back and shoved my phone back in my pocket. "Okay, my bad. Go 'head."

Anderson Cooper: "So, were you surprised by her coming up onstage like that and all that followed?"

Em: "Um...kind of, I guess...yeah. I mean, that was probably the first time that I can remember a girl, or anyone really, comin' onstage like that. But like, if you're gonna have the balls to come up there, you better be ready to put on a show. You know what I mean? Like...you can't just come up there just to be up there."

Anderson Cooper: "How did you feel about her making you take your shirt off? It was February after all. Not exactly shirtless weather. And you kinda seemed like maybe you wanted to put it back on when she acted like she still wasn't gonna take hers off."

Em: "It was February, but it was hot as balls in that little club." I chuckled as I shifted in my seat. "Nah but...I mean, I didn't give a fuck about takin' my shirt off. She did me a favor actually cuz I'd been sweatin' buckets in there. But uh...nah, I mean...I guess, thinking back, it was a little uncomfortable because...up until that point, I hadn't really thought about...having that kind of effect on women. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't get into rap for the women. Like that was never my main goal. My main goal was and has always been to get the respect of my peers in the hip hop community, you know what I'm sayin? And to make a decent living doing what I loved so I could take care of my family. So...taking my shirt off during a show kind of felt a little cheap, like I was now using manipulative tactics to appeal to a different fanbase or whatever. But that wasn't actually what I was doing. I was just tryin' to get the bitch to take her shirt off!" I laughed. "But Paul, he convinced me to keep it off cuz he was like 'any attention is good attention so...milk this for all you can' type of thing, you know? So it just...turned into somethin' I did at almost every show after that."

Anderson Cooper: "Until recently? We haven't seen you do a show shirtless in awhile. Probably not since before your relapse days."

Em: "Yeah...well, at that point, after everything had happened, you know, I wanted a different kind of image for myself. I couldn't just come back and pick up right where I left off, you know what I'm sayin? I wanted it to be more about the music, less about the fame. Plus, I'm gettin' too old for that shit. Not sayin' I'm not buff cuz I for sure as hell am but...I'm sayin." I chuckled. "A buff shirtless 45 year old onstage? Kinda screams corny to me."

Anderson Cooper: "I think a lot of your fans would beg to differ."

I shrugged nonchalantly.

Anderson Cooper: "So, after it was all said and done, you finished the show and...were you surprised by Lexi's reaction when you saw her afterwards?"

I cleared my throat.

Em: "Um, I was actually. I mean, I knew she'd probably have a smart ass comment or somethin' to say about the girl bein' desperate or drunk or something but I didn't think she'd be upset the way she was. I mean, it was all just for entertainment. And I still think her comin' off that tab had a lot to do with it at the time...especially with her basically predicting what was gonna happen. You know? But um...yeah, I mean, I felt really bad about it because...I would never intentionally hurt her...not in a million years."