Confused, silent, and suicidal

Exposed

After I finalized that the locker decorations I put up were fine, I decided to check out my class schedule since I never really figured out my actual classes.

*Schedule*

Home room~ Ms. Massey

1st Period~ excelerated Math~Ms. Mitchell

2nd period~ Language arts~Mr. McKnightt

3rd period~ Science~Mr.Squarepants

Connections~ Swimming~ Mr. Waters

Connections~french~ Ms. Levour'

4th period~ Home economics~ Mrs.Bakers

Commections~ Theatrical Arts~ Mrs. Blackk

5th period~ Gym~ Mr. Trainor

Athletics~ Cheerleading and Volley ball

After I finished revising my schedule I hung it up with magnets at the back of the locker wall.

Oddly enough, I felt like somebody's eyes were following me, so I slowly turned around to find no other then.. Luke Hemmings watching me intently.

I watched as he pushed his body up off the wall he was leaning on, swerving through the crowd trying to reach me at my locker.

Oh my god, Nicole! Where are you!

"Hey", Luke said walking up to me at my locker.

'Oh no, he's here' I thought to myself.

I tried my best to keep myself invisible and unseen from anyone in this hell whole except from the few friends that actually excepted me for once, but why is it that of all the people that had to notice me...it had to be Luke Hemmings.

"Erm...why are you talking to me?", I asked unsure of what was going on at the moment in which a popular was talking to a suicidal as hell freak like me, only nobody needs to know about the suicidal thing, it's just my sick little secret.

He hovered over and stared down at me. Luke was a giant compared to me, I'm pretty sure he had about a foot and a half on me. I was 5'0, and he looks about 6'4.

"Hello?", I asked, moving my long honey blonde hair from my face tucking it securely in my Pink hoodie.

Still staring, which only made things even more awkward that it already was.

" You know what, nevermind, just forget this ever happened", I said slamming my locker door, walking away briskly thinking I ended things right there... I was wrong.

I felt someone grab my right arm and yanked it back, before saying anything I checked to make sure my sleeves hadn't rolled up revealing my scars, thank god they didn't.

"Wait", he said in a hush tone, almost like he was to embarrassed to talk to me, then again who wouldn't be, I was just me. We shouldn't have even been conversing in the first place.

" Let go of me", I said trying to sound as stern as possible, but I'm pretty sure he could hear the fear in my voice.

He let go.

"Why are you even talking to me?", I asked. " Won't I like ruin your reputation or something?"

" Well yeah, you might, but-", Luke said. My eyes grew big once he said that and I'm pretty sure he noticed because he looked away. It could be because my appearance disturbed him, it would myself if I wasn't me. I had light brown skin that looked closer to white then brown( I'm biracial), grey eyes, long honey blonde hair to my butt, I was curvy but not too curvy, I guess. I was wearing my Pink Hoodie, black skinny jeans, and my furry black uggs. People say I'm 'beautiful' if that even means anything. They wouldn't say those things, if they knew the stuff I did to myself when I'm alone.

"Hello?", he said, which brought me back to the actual world, I much rather my own private world where people's words of hate can't hurt me, they're not allowed.

"What!", I said louder then I expected which caused the majority of students in the halls to look towards our direction. I could feel my cheeks heat up. I hated attention, almost as much as I hate the sting that you get when you run cold water over a fresh cut.

"Erm, well you just like spaced out while I was talking to you", he said. His cheeks also red from embarrassment.

"Oh", I said not sure about what else to say. He probably thinks I'm an even bigger freak then before, not like I cared what he even thought.

"Well yeah, I was saying that I didn't mean what I said a while ago.", he said.

" Yes, you did, but I really don't give a damn.", I said not buying this jackasses lie.

" um, anyway I came over here because you looked really lonely and depressed, and I know you don't really have any friends.", he said so nonchalantly it stung.

He looked like he was about to say something, but I cut him off my anger welling up inside of me.

"Look, so what, yeah I'm really lonely and depressed, but you've never cared before in all the last 8 years we've been going to school together, so why start now?", I said rather pissed.

"But-", he started.

" Let me finish", I said rudely. " I do have friends, not dumbass jocks like you and your airhead buddies, but actual friends."

He didn't say anything.

" Speak", I said loosing patience that I didn't have to begin with.
" You have like 5 friends, and one of them is your twin sister Ariana", he said. " You are Genesis, right?", he asked.

" Yes I am, and I'm fine with those friends, I don't need any fucking charity from the likes of you.", I said. " You made a mistake talking to me, now people are going to start saying things.", I said.

" so what?". He asked. " if they talk let the talk, just ignore them."

If only he knew how hard it was for me to just 'ignore them'

" You don't know, how much my heart hurts, how much I cry, or what it's like to be me, I can't just ignore them and move on, I'm different in case you haven't noticed.", I said. By then the tears were already threatening to spill out, but I couldn't cry, not in front of him, once I noticed he was anticipating whether or not to say something I took that as an opportunity to leave.

" With that I'm going to leave", I said. The tears started flowing. I put my pink hood over my long wavy hair, and turned the corner running in the bathroom. He didn't follow me. My one and only encounter with a "popular" and now it's over. It's for the best though right?