My Last Supper

E L E V E N

I hurdled through the air at an incomprehensible speed, finally thankful for my endless amount of fat which made me slightly less aerodynamic. As I fell, my suitcase fell beside me, as they graciously threw it down right after me. As I looked below me, I noticed that I would land in the water rather than on land, and maybe, if I was unlucky enough, I could survive this.

I began to near the water, and was forced to think quickly. I carefully opened up my suitcase whilst hurdling through the sky, and somehow, cancelling out every law of physics, managed to get my podgy hands around one of my t-shirts. The shirt was so enourmous that it acted as a parachute when I held it above my head, and I landed softly on the water.

Floating. Literally just floating with my meager belongings and holding on to my suitcase for dear life, I prayed that some nice family on vacation would notice me (how would they not?) and heave me on their yacht. However, this moment was very far off it seemed, and I held on to my suitcase for what seemed like hours.

"Bruh... my skin be feeling like straight leather.." I mumbled to the seagull popping a squat on my charred shoulder.

"Bro, if I'm gonna be completely 100% honest, like no cap here, you literally feel like a couch," he replied.

I sighed and accepted the fact that I probably now have all kinds of skin cancer. A single tear escaped my shriveled eye, and immediately sizzled off my cheek after dropping. I swayed my legs beneath me to keep me entertained, and was suddenly struck with the panic of what happens to human skin when left in ocean water for hours on end.

I reached down with one arm, each movement of it cracking and releasing beige dust into the open air, and felt beneath the water. My fingertips grazed my thigh, and I felt something that felt like literally anything but human flesh. I decided to stop there and not think about it, lest I make my ability to breathe even more difficult than it already is.

"You good?" asked the bird.

I sniffled. "No." I plopped my head down on the suitcase and decided to allow the sun to bake me into the plastic material.

"Just breathe chief. Things will get better with time, you just gotta wait it out. Like the tides. Your emotions are like tides. They go like... in and then out. Like they change and shit. If you get me. It's like, the ocean bro-"

"Jesus FUCKING Christ okay I understand."

"You know what? I like, straight up, don't need this. Flig you."

My mouth opened in shock at his vulgarity, as much as it could, and he flew off. Now I'm all by my lonesome.

Finally, likely moments before my soul left my body, I heard violent deep-fried bass boost all around me. I couldn't get away from it; I tried to cover my ears, but I couldn't let my hold on the suitcase loose. I started to cry in fear and in pain, but my eyes were so damn dry there were literally no possible tears to come out. In fact, there were no liquids left in my body; I was simply a leather satchel drifting next to some luggage in the middle of absolute no where. I wasn't even positive as to if I was alive or not.

I suddenly felt a pair of regular-feeling human hands take hold of my arms and drag me up onto some kind of boat. I was plopped onto a cold surface, and I heard bass boosted voiced all around me, likely because my ear drums were fried.

Out of the madness, I heard one very faint suggestion of a voice.

"Can you hear me?"

I tried my best to make a sound in reply, but I don't think anything came out.

"We have to get this poor thing to a hospital!" Yes, please GOD!

"I think there's an aquatic vet close to the dock." Wait.

"Okay, start her up! I'm not sure how long this creature's heart is gonna last." I'm a little bit worried now,.

The boat started up, complemented with its deafening bass-boost, and we arrived at our destination (hopefully an actual hospital) within a relatively short amount of time.

"Alright get her up! I'll get some help."

I was heaved up and placed on a sort of bed, and then wheeled into a building with bright fluorescent lights.

I bet you thought I was going to make a whale joke here because I am overweight. You thought wrong. The good samaritans that rescued me were actually acquainted with basic human anatomy and swiftly brought me to the nearest hospital.

As I was wheeled through the building for what seemed like ages, we finally stopped. I managed to open one eye to take in my surroundings, only to find myself in an elevator with the young nurse that was in charge of pushing me through the halls.

"Hey," he said, winking at me. "How you feeling champ?"

How am I feeling? HOW am I FEELING? "Is it customary to ask all of your patients that while you take them to the operation table?"

"Woah woah- I'm just trying to lighten up the mood," he said with an indignant tone. "Your tears are making the floor kinda slippery."

"Oh damn really? I had no idea. It's probably because I've lost feeling in most parts of my body, so I actually wasn't aware that I was crying. Also I think I might be shitting myself."

"You most definitely are," he said, smiling warmly at me. When I looked into this young man's eyes, I felt at home.

"What's your name?" I asked him, shortly before the elevator doors opened and he quickly pushed me out.

"Maybe later," he replied, looking down briefly to smirk. Oh yes, I thought to myself, I'm getting laid tonight.