Mute [A One Direction Fanfic] -Amy's Adventures Book 2-

Chapter 16

~Harry's POV~

Jason talks about a lot of things before he finally brings up the bandages. My life as a singer, my life before that, my relationships with my friends, especially Louis. Jason easily picked up on the bond we've always had, the one that convinces some fans that we're in a relationship, when Louis is obviously dating Eleanor and I just enjoy messing with them. Well, enjoyed. But the topic of the bandages, or more what's underneath them, is something I knew was coming but wished wouldn't, because I know perfectly well that's why I'm in here, not my muteness or my depression. Suicidal is the word, I believe.

"Harry, did you plan this out, or was it a spur-of-the-moment thing?" Jason starts off, easing into the subject instead of forcing it on me. I'm not sure what he's trying to achieve by asking me a question I physically can't answer, though. He seems to realize this and quickly amends his question. "Did you plan to do it?" He asks, smiling when I shake my head. "So it was just in the moment." A statement, but I nod anyways. "Had you ever self-harmed before it happened?" I nod again, getting the feeling that Jason is disappointed by my answer. "Did you feel guilty about what happened to your friend?" He asks, and I nod again. I still feel guilty, because it's still your fault. "Everyone has been telling you that it isn't your fault, that it's the fault of the man who took him, who hurt you. The one that scared you into silence and made you disgusted with yourself. Am I right?" I nod again, wondering how Jason knows so much about the thoughts I keep deep in my mind.

"I'm not going to tell you that it isn't your fault, but I'm not going to say it is, either. I'm going to tell you that it's fate's fault. Fate that you were running down that path and got pulled into the alley. Fate that you went to your friends room and the man went to Louis'. Fate sent you here, and fate sent me here to help you. That's what's always helped me get through." Jason explains, going into a depth I can't believe and putting all of my thoughts out so clearly it's like he read my mind. How could he know so much about me that no one else does? Jason seems to know what I'm thinking once again because he reaches out towards me, motioning for me to push up his sleeve. I lean forward and grab his arm lightly, pushing the sleeve up to reveal a row of silver scars, nearly invisible after all the time that's passed since they were made. You wouldn't notice unless you were looking for them, and I guess somewhere, deep in my mind, I was.

"I know what you've been through because I have a similar story. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and everything spiralled out of control. I pushed everyone who tried to help me away, but my best friend stayed with me, convinced me to come to a place like this. They helped me, and I walked out of the building with a smile on my face and said my first words to my best friend in months. Now she and I are married, and I'm happy with my life. I'm here to get you your happy ending too. You may think your friends sent you here to get rid of you, to make you a different person, but they didn't. Just by seeing your best friend's face once I could tell that all he wanted was for you to be you again, to be happy and smiling and laughing. Somewhere in his mind he wants you to be okay, but he really just wants you to be happy with yourself and everything else." I nod along to Jason's words, my thoughts focused on Louis. He wants me to be happy, and I want to make him happy. I want to be able to sing again, to tease him and shout at him across the stage while Niall and Liam and Zayn laugh and play around and our fans yell and sing along. That's what makes me happy. I want to talk, for myself, but mainly for Louis.

But how can I risk it with Trent still out there?

~Amy's POV~

Harry has only been gone for a day but anyone could see how much of an impact his absence has made on us. Niall is being strangely quiet, almost mourning Harry. He wants to see a smile on Harry's face, because Niall always wants everyone to be happy and he hates it when they aren't and they should be. Zayn has spent the last day taking care of Niall and I pretty much on his own, hiding his feelings away to make us feel better. Liam and Louis have been spending a lot of time together in Louis' room, probably comforting each other. I've seen them tweeting occasionally, talking about Harry or Trent but usually just being random. I've just been going through my daily routine, trying to pretend I don't notice Harry's obvious absence. Even when he was completely silent it was still easy to tell that he was there. Harry has a huge presence.

"Zayn, when does Harry get back?" I ask, looking up from the telly to see Niall and Zayn sitting on the couch behind me, both frowning.

"When he's ready to come back, I guess. At least a month, probably more." Zayn says, his forehead creased. "Depends on how he does there." I nod, wanting to see the curly-haired lad again, missing him even though it's only been a day. Just knowing that he hated himself so much that he tried to end his life is terrifying to me, and I don't completely understand why he did it. How could someone hate their own life so much that they want to kill themselves? How could they think that their friends wouldn't miss them, wouldn't even notice? I look down at my leg subconsciously, thinking about my own weak time when I was only ten years old. Maybe I know what Harry is going through a little better than I think.