A Forbidden Fruit

Chapter Twenty-One

Song Chapter: Growing Pains, by Alessia Cara

I probably should have stayed, I should have slapped him and punched him. I should have made him feel what he had made me feel all these years. The pain in my chest, the pain in my lungs, the pain in my heart. I should have made him feel all of it. but instead I was an idiot, a scared idiot and I ran away with Val attached to my arm before he had the chance of muttering any words to me. I knew that he would apologize, maybe that's what I needed to hear, but for some reason at that moment i didn't want to hear anything at all. Not his voice, not his words, not even his apologies. I had heard them far too much before and I for sure did not want to hear them now.

"Emma, let's slow down please." Vals heaves out at she tries to catch her breath with each step.

I came to halt and spun myself around to look straight at her.

Tears were daring to spill out of my eyes.

I didn't want to let them go, and I sure as hell wouldn't. I was not going to let another tear stroll down my face because of someone who did not deserve them, and Leo sure as hell did not deserve any tear that dared to fall from my eyes.

"Emma, are you okay?" Val asked taking me into her arms.

Before I could tell her the truth and spill out to her what a real mess I was I heard Carmen's voice off from the distant.

"Emma!"

"Val!"

"Wait!"

I look over to see Carmen running towards us, Leo seems to be nowhere insight. She probably left him alone in that cafe.

Alone... that's what he needed to feel.

"Emma, I had no idea that he was part of your past. I didn't know that he was the one."

"How did you meet him? Where?"

"I met him at that new support group i have been going to. I have to admit it to you Emma. I had my assumptions that he might have been your abuser, but I didn't know one hundred percent. Your stories were all so similar, but I didn't want to assume anything. But maybe it was right for me to have assumed. I am so sorry Emma." Carmen said grabbing onto my hand.

"If you heard his stories why would you get closer to him Carmen? He's dangerous, he's a monster."

I needed to know why she had even gotten close to that man.

Leo was more than a monster, he was the devil himself and I just couldn't understand why anyone would ever talk to the devil unless it benefited them in any way. And Carmen didn't need anything from Leo, at least not anything she couldn't get from someone else.

"You're going to hate me for saying this Emma, but he has changed." I backed away in shock of the words she had spoken.

Leo? Changed?

Those were two things that could never be related to one another.

"I know it's hard to believe Emma, and I don't blame you. I can't even imagine what you've been through. But, I know it was a lot and I know it hurt you so very much. But he's gotten help Emma. He went to get help that's why I met him in support group."

"Carmen I think this too much for today." Val says getting in between both Carmen and I.

"No," I say moving Val out of the way.

"Carmen, you do not know what I have been through. You may want to try to imagine or try to understand what I went through or why I feel the way I do. But, you never will. Not unless you've actually been through it, and I hope you will never have to go through what I have been through. So if what you're asking me is to give him a chance the answer is no."

"Emma, I know it's hard but just please think about the closure. You don't have to be alone with him. You can have a friend with you or you can talk about it in our group."

"Carmen, I think this is enough. You need to stop this is not healthy for Emma. She is just starting to get over this pain and you are not helping her at all." Val says pushing me away  from Carmen.

"I understand, I'm sorry." Carmen says looking straight into my eyes.

"Just please Emma, think about it. That's all I ask." Carmen says before walking away back towards the direction of the cafe.

"Emma, you don't have to do it." Val says looking back at me.

I turn away and begin to walk away, I needed to think on my own for a bit.

"Emma please tell me what's on your mind, I know I don't have any right to know what you are thinking about, but I need to know that you won't do anything stupid." I turn around look straight at Val holding any words that I know I could let out but don't truly mean.

"Val, please you need to understand that whatever I do is because I need to do it. I know that you are worried about me and I thank you so much because it only shows your love for me and I thank you for that, but I need to think about this for myself, alone."

Val only nods her head and moves back.

I turn around and begin to walk away alone, clearing my mind.

Maybe Carmen had been right. I knew that I needed closure and I needed to better myself and maybe Leo could be my way out of the state of mind that I had been held in for the longest time.

I needed to be free and if Leo was my only way then I needed to to talk to him. But I know that I am not ready for that. At least not yet or anytime soon.