Caught Up In You

3- Flying

Previously: Can: Maybe it was a moment of weakness from the flowers, maybe it was just time to reveal that I was alive, maybe it was time to stop running. I looked at my phone and responded: I'm fine. I'll be home tomorrow. Is she still at the agency? 
Sanem: My heart was pounding and without much warning, I launch into my bathroom and get sick. I'm just about to write Metin back when he responds: He's asking about you. Do you want me to tell him or do you want to? 

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Sanem 

I put my phone down. Tears in my eyes and take a deep breath. Metin has become a good friend of mine too and I don't want him to feel like he's in the middle or that he could lose his friendship with Can because of me. He insists he'll continue to help me, regardless of Can, but that he has to be careful since Can tends to overact quickly and doesn't leave room for explanations. Metin has bent over backwards for me these past few weeks helping me with something I've been hiding from everyone, including Can. It's not another lie, per say, it's just something I'm not comfortable with everyone knowing. These things don't happen to people like me; my family and my neighborhood will flip out and I'm not even sure my mom will approve.

Over a year ago, before I started working at the agency, when I was opening up the grocery store, I wrote all the time. I wrote so much that I have a callus on my right middle finger where I'd press the pen so hard against my hand. Thoughts always easily poured out of my head and writing was a way to release them and be creative. I didn't realize this at the time, but Leyla had found one of my notebooks and decided to submit it into a very prestigious creative fellowship program. The program was open to world-wide applicants in the fields of art and writing and only accepted 20 students and was very intense - 6 months of workshops abroad and 6 months of continued studies with your mentor. I found out last week that I had been selected for a preview of the program, which meant I had to "audition" with a panel to continue to be considered for one of the coveted slots.

I leave for Italy tomorrow. Can returns tomorrow.

Can

I take the red eye home, anxious to return. I come into the office early, to see her come in and her reaction. Hell, I want to know how I'm going to react. I'm still reeling from two weeks ago, but at the same time, it's Sanem. My Sanem. Time is passing by slowly with each team member coming in and yet no sign of her. CeyCey comes into my office to greet me with chai and I immediately ask him why Sanem is not bringing me my tea.

"Umm, Can Bey, she's not coming, I mean she's busy. I mean she's not here. I mean, AHHHHHH." And runs out of the office like his life depended on it.

My phone rings and it's a number I don't recognize, and decide to answer it based on the current financial condition of the agency.

"Hello, is this Can Bey?" Says a woman on the other line.

"Yes, this is Can Bey," I reply. 

"Can, this is Zeynep Polat from the Prestige School of Art Academy."

I immediately get annoyed and quickly answer, "Did my donation not go through, or was there a problem?"

"No, I'm not calling in reference to that, Can Bey. I'm calling because as an alumnae of the program you have yet to sit on the audition panel and as one of our youngest most esteemed alumnae, we would be honored and delighted if you would consider sitting on the panel. I'm calling because one of our panelist is unable to be there due to illness and therefore this is very late notice, but we would need you in Italy by tomorrow," she said with desperation in her voice.

"I just came back from a two week sabbatical. I'm not sure this is possible," still looking around for Sanem, while pacing my office. "Let me call you back."

"Can Bey, to be frank, we are desperate. The candidates this year, like most years, are exceptional. We are in a bind and it's only a 48 hour commitment. We'll do all the interviews the first day, then a cocktail reception to mingle and get to know the candidates and the second day we'll only need you in the morning for final decisions on admittance. Can you please give us this time, we know you are very busy, and we also know that you got your photography start from this program," she pushed.

"Okay. Okay. I will do it. Please send all the information." I said. 

Annoyed about this new situation, I go into Deren's office to catch up on what I've missed. Metin is there, the two of them inseparable most days. I ask for updates and then ask where Sanem is as I need her to work on a project. Metin and Deren look at each other and then me and Deren says, "I've given her a couple days off. She needed them and honestly the past two weeks she's been useless anyway."

I wince at the thought of her being so miserable. "Well, something has come up and I have to go to Italy tomorrow for two days to fulfill my alumnae responsibility for the new incoming candidates." I look up and Metin has this huge smile on his face and just shakes his head. "What is it?" I say.

"Nothing, nothing at all. Italy is beautiful, enjoy your trip," Metin smirks.

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Sanem

I'm glad I got to Italy a day early so I could memorize my surroundings and explore the city a bit. What a gorgeous place; I'm pinching myself, it's like a dream. I'm grateful that Metin could help me with getting a passport so quickly and the final paperwork. One last look in the mirror before I head to the panel. I'm wearing a simple, but elegant dress that Leyla helped pick out and decided to wear my hair with some waves in it like usual. I really wanted to wear sneakers, but Leyla said absolutely not. So I'm in heels. My makeup is simple. Deep breathes as I walk into the hotel lobby approaching the conference room where the panel will begin. I sit waiting for my turn and it looks like I'll be the last one in. Plenty of time to think about what I'll say.

As I walk into the panel and get to my seat, I begin to focus on the ten panelists sitting in front of me in a horseshoe setting. My heart stops. I literally cannot breathe. I feel my legs give out and thankfully I've reached my chair and grab it to hold me up. He's here. He's in front of me. He's beautiful. And he's staring at me.

"Hello Sanem, we're going to get started," Can said.

Allah Allah, I hope so.