Caught Up In You

2- Wild Flowers

Previously: We continue discussing perfumes, how Fabri got into the business and he offers me an internship with his team - to learn more about the process. And just as I start to answer Fabri, my phone buzzes. "Excuse me, Mr. Fabri, I meant to silence my phone." I look down and it's a text from Can's life-long friend, Metin. Sanem, we found Can. 

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Can

Her hair is falling down and tickling my face. I gaze up at her and she's just stunning. Her eyes close as I bring my hands to her face and pull her into me for a kiss. She traces my albatross tattoo with her fingers and leans her head back laughing. She looks back down at me and calls me the Bad King and I try to kiss her again, but I can't reach her. My arms stretch out to her and she's further and further away. I'm so unbearably hot. I'm sweating. I can't get out of this thought. And I abruptly sit up and realize it's just a dream. A nightmare really. And I've been having the same one for two weeks.

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After I found out about all of Sanem's lies, my heart broke. She broke it into a thousand pieces. I had never let anyone in before, I had never fallen in love like this before and she ruined me. I left her standing in the road calling for me and all I could do was run. It was my instinct. I went home, packed a bag and headed to the airport. I had to get out of Istanbul - everything here reminded me of Sanem and I had to leave. A month ago, I had been offered a project just outside of London to help a charity and I decided to call them to see if they still needed me. Two hours later I was on a plane.

The stewardess offered me water, I asked for a double whiskey and openly invited the numbness. I didn't want to feel, the pain was too much.

"Are you alright?" She asked, as I sloppily made it back to me seat after using the bathroom.

"Yes, I'll have another whiskey please." I responded without even looking her way.

"I think maybe you've had enough of those" said a voice that sounded so familiar to me.

Polen had already reached my aisle before ending that sentence. Of course she had to be on my flight and she looked stunning as usual. She sat in the empty seat next to me and put her hand on my arm and I recoiled immediately surprising both, me and Polen.

"Can, we've been in each other's lives for years, I know when something is wrong, why don't we get you some tea and talk a little," Polen softly said.

"Yes, tea. Tea would be good," I said with a drip of sarcasm. "NO, No tea, I'll have coffee," I decided. I closed my eyes and could see Sanem bringing me tea in my office with her sweet smile and her "Can Bey I have your chai" and her scent filling my lungs. I put my hands up to my eyes, I can't even have tea anymore without thinking of her.

Polen moved her seat and we spoke a majority of the flight. She updated me on her life and how her research was going and I told her about the agency and what a mess Emre had made of the financials. I didn't bring up Sanem and either did she, which I was grateful for because I'm sure she wanted to ask and I just couldn't discuss it with her. It was calming to speak to her, she really had been so good to me in the past. As our flight was landing, she invited me to stay at her place for the time that I'd be in London, but I told her that it wasn't possible and that if I had spare time, I'd try my best to see her again. We parted ways at the terminal and I smiled knowing that even though we had left each other, she was someone I could still count on, someone I could still trust.

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The weeks had gone by quickly. The days were filled with work, mostly photography for the charity and it kept me busy. The nights were lonely and filled with whiskey - always too much whiskey. I would fall asleep praying not to have the same dream, but she always came. She always lured me back to her and as hard as I tried to move on, she wouldn't let me.

A little shy of two weeks into my stay just outside of London in a city called Camden, I was running along the canal and stopped dead in my tracks - that smell. Looking around, I found them. Her flowers. I sat next to them and couldn't stop thinking about her. Her brown eyes, her smile, her lips and her <my thoughts are interrupted by my phone> as if to pull me out of self loathing, I looked down it was another text from Metin. I hadn't told anyone where I was going, I had left texts unread, voicemails unanswered and I'm sure my email was at capacity. Maybe it was a moment of weakness from the flowers, maybe it was just time to reveal that I was alive, maybe it was time to stop running. I looked at my phone and responded: I'm fine. I'll be home tomorrow. Is she still at the agency? 

Sanem

Do you ever get in your car and you're so lost in thought, that you have no idea how you've (safety) arrived at your destination? That's exactly what happened to me after lunch - after reading Metin's text: Sanem, we found Can. I had arrived home, not even realizing it. My heart was pounding and without much warning, I launch into my bathroom and get sick. I'm just about to write Metin back when he responds: He's asking about you. Do you want me to tell him or do you want to?