Caught Up In You

21 - Look After You

Previously: Sanem: Suddenly I felt a pang, I couldn't get out of the taxi and kiss him good-bye, but I also didn't want to stay where I was. I was torn between my two worlds that I so desperately wanted them to become one. Looking at Can with tears in my eyes, I felt that he understood and said everything through his eyes.

Can
Walking away from her at that moment without being able to kiss her or hug her goodbye, affected me more than I thought it would. As I drove through the Instanbul traffic it came to me, the perfect way to propose. I was definitely going to need help to pull it off so I picked up my cell phone and started making plans.

Sanem
The ride home from the airport was full of conversation and my parents updating me on all the gossip from the neighborhood. They were more than excited to tell me everything that had happened, who was doing what and how happy everyone was that I was coming home. I was happy too, wasn't I?

Why do I feel this pressure in my chest, this feeling of uneasiness? It's a funny thing when you've gotten used to living your life a certain way, albeit for a small period of time, to have to go back to the way life was before.

The rules didn't bother me, but now, they seem absolutely rigid and unfair. Love can be so beautiful and fulfilling and to think that I'm going to have to pretend the past four months didn't happen, is unbearable.

I open my bedroom door and look around my room. It feels familiar, yet distant and childish. It feels safe, but not secure. I'm almost a stranger in this room, I think to myself as I touch my desk, running my fingers along my books and creams and other things that have defined who I am.

My phone pings and I immediately grab it hoping it's Can. I'm thrilled to see his text and a smile overtakes my face. I'm home, baby, did you make safely?

Yes, I miss you already. I say as my throat holds a lump waiting for me to let the tears fall. I hold it together, but realize that this situation can't last long. I want nothing more to be in bed with him and going to sleep, waking in each other's arms.

My phone rings and Can must sense that I needed more than a text.

Can
"Baby, are you okay?" I ask her softly, with longing in my voice as I lay in a Sanem-less bed.

"I am, and this is so silly, Can, but I ache for you," she says in a voice where I know she's holding back her tears. "I just got so used to going to sleep next to you and waking up next to you, that it's hard not having that option. We have to talk to my parents. I don't think I can do this much longer," she says.

"I agree. Why don't I come pick you up for breakfast and we can talk about it?" I say, smiling to myself already knowing of the plans for tomorrow. What Sanem doesn't know is that I don't plan on being away from her much longer either, and I just need things to go smoothly and what she doesn't know right now, will only be that much better when I surprise her.

We talk for a little longer until the jet lag takes her and I hang up the phone knowing she's essentially fallen asleep with me, even though I wasn't physically there.

+++

I park the truck near the water, knowing we'll be able to get tea and breakfast in the little place so we can talk. We hold hands as Sanem leans into me while we scout for a table. Sitting down sipping our tea and waiting for our food, Sanem tells me all about her neighborhood and how dating isn't really an option and that it's why she didn't divulge to her parents that we were together. They would immediately expect me to propose and she didn't want me to feel pressured.

Luckily for her, she still has no idea what I have in store. All I can do is comfort her and know that her angst and anxiety over all of this will be over soon.

I agree to speak to her parents the next day with her so that she feels that they can at least know our intentions together. Oh love, they know. They already know.

Sanem
Can drives us to the agency to work for the day, and while I don't technically have a job there at the moment since I took a six-month leave, Can insists on me coming and working on my writing while he re-engages with the team. I'd prefer to be near him anyway, so it makes sense for me to accompany him and stay in the office and write a bit.

We're engulfed in embraces and kisses and "how are yous" before we can even really make it past the reception desk. It's so nice to see everyone and tell them all about Chicago and what it was like living abroad and doing what I loved.

I settle into Can's office while he runs from meeting to meeting - I barely even see him, but I don't mind because my brain is pouring out pages and pages of the written word. I'm not even sure where it's all coming from, but I can barely keep up with getting it all down on paper. Before I know it, the office is getting really quiet and there's still no sign of Can.

He finally pops his head in, "crazy day!" he says as he comes up behind me and kisses me on my temple. "I missed you," he says as he embraces me and pulls me closer to him. "You ready to go?" he says as he stands to head to his desk to gather his things.

"Yes, are we going to dinner or are you taking me back?" I ask, hoping that he opts for dinner since I haven't had much time with him today.

"Actually, I told your mom that I'd help with something in the neighborhood library. I'm hoping you'll come with me?" Can says as he gathers papers into a folder.

"Sure, she didn't mention anything to me this morning," I start, and then realize that my mother has a mind of her own and she'll always be indebted to Can for donating so many books to her dream library.

+++

Can

We walk into the library and Sanem immediately starts calling for her mom but realizes that the library is quiet, with no one to be seen.

"Maybe we're early?" I say, trying to keep my voice as normal as possible, but the reality is, I'm nervous, my breathing is erratic and I'm having a hard time holding it together.

I grab her hand and she looks at me like I'm crazy, because after all, we're in her neighborhood and no one knows about us.

"I think she wanted me to fix a shelf in the back corner, come with me," I say as I gently pull her to come in that direction.

She stops suddenly when she sees the lanterns filling the aisle that we turned down along with rose petals scattered on the ground. I take her hand again, and look at her in the eyes. She's tearing up and still not fully comprehending what's going on.

I pull a book from the shelf. One that we both love and I know that she's read it cover to cover and with her amazing memory, knows every word. I hand her Letters To Milena and the tears fall gently down her face as she looks up at me. The softness of the light from the lanterns makes her look even more gorgeous if that's possible.

"Open it," I whisper. As she opens the book, she gasps at the ring that's been hidden in the pages where I cut a hole out to ensure it would stay in place.

"Sanem, I am so in love with you, I"

"YES. Yes, a thousand times yes," she says before I can even give her the speech I had prepared.

I pull her to me, kiss her slowly and passionately. She pulls away looking up at me with tear-stained cheeks, wet eyelashes and a look that gives me all the confidence I need to know that she's mine forever.

As if I couldn't time it any better, her parents and neighborhood family and friends join us, crying and celebrating. The look on her face was priceless and was more than worth the gamble of me contacting Nihat weeks ago to discuss my intentions. While he had his suspicions since our flight to Chicago, I knew he was Sanem's biggest champion so the risk was worth it. She's going to be my wife, my forever.