Caught Up In You

13- Hard to say goodbye

Previously: Sanem: Before we open the condo door, I grab Can's hand and tug him so he's fully facing me. "Tomorrow night will be our first night alone with each other and I hope that you're going to come stay here with me and check out of the hotel," I say to him quietly so my parents don't hear us in the hallway. "Sanem, are you sure? I don't want to push you to do something you aren't ready for and I don't want you to feel pressured", he says as he pulls me into his chest. "Can, I need you to stay here with me," I say, "I want you to stay here with me." Can smiles, "Of course Bebek, I would love to." Little does he know that I plan on giving myself to him completely the first chance I get. 

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Sanem
My parents decided we should cook a traditional Turkish meal for dinner so that they feel good about sending me off "properly." I'm thrilled because while I'm in a city with amazing restaurants, they'll never compare to my anne's cooking. Can of course is so excited and in the kitchen helping her, while baba and I have been banished to the living room. "Sanem, you'll be okay here by yourself, won't you?" he says to me looking a little sad and concerned. "Yes, of course. I'm really excited about this opportunity and hope that at the end of it, I get to finally pursue my dream of being a real writer." Smiling, I take a sip of tea and day dream for a moment until the realization hits me. My parents are leaving. I've never been away from them for an extended period of time. I immediately get up and curl into my baba's side on the couch as if I'm six years old again. We're both holding tears back and he tells me how proud he is of me and that we're always just a phone call away and the time will go quickly. I've always been partial to my baba and while I know he's right, I feel the lump forming in my throat, holding back tears. 

Anne pops her head in to tell us dinner is ready andCan is right behind her. Both stop immediately and look at us - knowing they're walking into something. I pop up quickly and Can searches my eyes for anything to give him a signal that I'm okay. I nod and slightly smile. I can tell he's longing for some kind of physical touch because he needs that to know I'm really okay. So I wait for my baba to head into the kitchen with anne, likely to briefly tell her what that was all about, and when I know they aren't looking at us, I reach for Can's hand and squeeze it. "Are you okay bebek? What happened?" he says softly. "I'm okay, I just realized that I haven't really been on my own at all and without my parents for an extended time and it just hit me at once, that's all." Can gently kisses me on my forehead and we quickly head into the kitchen for delicious dinner. 

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Can
"We insist on taking you to the airport and we won't take no for an answer!" I say for the tenth time.  I know for Sanem's sake, she needs to send them off. She looks like she didn't get much sleep last night and I can tell that she's nervous to let her parents leave. I can't wait to get her alone, in my arms, so she knows that everything is going to be okay. It's killing me that I can't touch her at all in front of her parents and while I know I only have a to wait a few more hours, I catch myself multiple times either trying to touch her hair or grab her hands because it's so natural to me. I'm drawn to her and it's becoming increasingly more difficult to restrain myself.   

We decide to take a cab to the airport and I help Nihat with all the bags. The ride is quiet and you can tell the Aydin's are really having a hard time with the impending separation from Sanem. I think about my family and how these types of feelings and emotions just didn't really happen between us. I was so used to being alone or heading somewhere - boarding school, trips, work adventures, or just hopping on a plane because I was bored. Watching the love this family has for each other makes me sad to have missed this part of my childhood, but it also makes me grateful to have Sanem and her family, and maybe someday they'll be my family. My family.  Where did that just come from? I turn around from the front seat and Sanem is sitting in the middle of her parents, each one holding one of her hands and I snap a photo of the three of them on my phone - their smiles are infectious. 

We unload at the airport and I tell Sanem that I'm going to get the bags checked in for them and give her a minute with her parents. The Aydin's per usual aren't having it and we all make our way to the baggage lines. I insist on waiting in line so that they can have more time together and they insist that they're fine. So that's where Sanem gets her stubborn from I smile and shake my head. 

Sanem
"Anne and baba, please travel safely and text me when you arrive," I say through light tears. We hug each other and my anne reminds me about making sure I eat enough, sleep enough and work hard through this opportunity. Baba holds me tight and whispers how proud he is of me. And just like that, they're heading back to Turkey. I turn to Can, who waits until my parents are completely out of sight and he pulls me into his arms and all I can do is just be held by him. We somehow make it into a cab and it hits me so hard. I'm exhausted. Fighting with the emotional goodbye and not sleeping well the night before. Can opens his arms to me and I lean into him and fall asleep almost instantly as he's playing with my hair. 

I wake up and I'm disoriented. I look around and realize that I'm back in the condo and in bed, I've slept for a few hours and it's getting closer to dinner time.  I hear Can in the living room on the phone. I stretch and get out of bed and go to the closet and find my silk black robe and I'm suddenly very awake. I take my clothes off and take a look at myself in the mirror before putting the silk robe on. I'm wearing a matching black lace set. I quickly run into the rest room and freshen up a bit and then crack open the door to the living room. Can looks up and almost drops his phone immediately. My robe is open and I'm standing in the doorway, biting my lower lip in anticipation of his next move. "Hi," I whisper. "Emre, I'll call you back," Can says without taking his eyes off of me. 

"Sanem, what are you doing to me?" Can says in a husky voice I've never heard. "Hmmm," I respond and reach my hand out for him, "I can't wait to find out."