Caught Up In You

4- The Interview

Previously: Sanem: As I walk into the panel and get to my seat, I begin to focus on the ten panelists moving from left to right. My heart stops. I literally cannot breathe. I feel my legs give out and thankfully I've reached my chair and grab it to hold me up. He's here. He's in front of me. He's beautiful. And he's staring at me.

"Hello Sanem, we're going to get started," Can said.

Allah Allah, I hope so.

+++

Can

I arrive in Italy with only two hours to spare for the first interview. There are only ten being interviewed and since I was asked to participate late, I didn't have a chance to go over any of the files that they sent me via email. I walk into the hotel, take a quick look around, locate the conference room where the interviews will be held and proceed to my room. There's something about a shower that is so inviting after traveling. I get dressed and pull my hair back into a bun. I pull out all the paperwork and lay on the bed to review the first five candidates and see that they all have very incredible and different talents - an artist, a videographer, a graphic artist, a photographer, and a filmmaker. I jot down a few notes next to each of their bios. I head down to the conference room a little early to grab some tea and meet with the other alumnae.

"Can Divit?! Is that really you?" says a voice behind me.

I turn around and it's Ilker Bilgi, one of my classmates from the program. I laugh and say "oh there he is, the man, the myth and the legend."

He's chuckling and says, "I'm surprised you're here, Divit. Did you lose a bet? How'd they get you to come? Aren't you holed up in some random spot in the World taking incredible photographs and being praised by all?"

"Didn't you sell out and become an agent and not actually perfect your craft?" I kid. And he says, "well some people are just better at teaching than doing, I guess."

We both know his career has been amazing - he's signed major actors, gotten all sorts of endorsement deals and lives a comfortable life, no doubt. Although I did hear he dabbled in modeling and acting a bit himself.

++++

We're about to hear the last candidate and I finally pull out the bio to see who it is. I look down and see her name. There's no way. There must be two Sanem Aydin's in this world. There must be. I skim over the bio, she's here for writing - to be an author. Before my brain can process anything further, the door opens. My breath hitches as she walks down to her chair. She's so beautiful. My eyes are locked on her, like if I blink she'll disappear. She finally looks up and is scanning all of us and her eyes meet mine. I imagine she's having the same reaction I'm having as she's gripping the chair and trying hard to compose herself.

"Hello Sanem, we're going to get started," I say completely unprompted.

The panel begins to ask her questions, and of course she's on fire - addressing everyone in the room and not skipping a beat. It's my turn to ask her a question and all I can muster is, "What keeps you motivated to write?"

She closes her eyes as if to calm her nerves and a slight smile comes over her face. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "The first draft is just you telling yourself the story."

I swallow hard and know that even if she's really answering the question, we're actually now talking in code to each other and she continues, "What's so motivating about writing is that you can always edit a bad page. Every secret to a writer's soul, every experience of their life, can be reflected in their writing."

My time is up since I only get one question, but I have so many more. She continues to look at me while the leader of our alumnae panel thanks her for coming and reminds her about the cocktail gathering this evening. She's as graceful as ever as she thanks everyone and gathers her things. She's walking out and turns back one last time to look at me. Of course my eyes haven't left her.

+++

Sanem
Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah. I quickly get myself to the elevator to go back to my room and recover from seeing Can for the first time in weeks. He looked just as surprised as I did, and he didn't have that cold look in his eyes. I don't want to be hopeful knowing that what I did hurt him, but I also don't want to wait for him to come out of that room to speak to him for the first time with all the other alumnae and my future in the balance.

I get to my room, kick off the dreadful heels and lay on the bed and immediately text Ayhan.

<<The interview is over. Can was there as one of the interviewers. Shocked emoji>>

<WHAT! Are you okay? Do you need me to call you?>

<<I don't really know what to think, do you think he knew I would be here so he did this to throw me off?>>

<I don't know, Sanemsie, that seems like a lot for even Can to pull off.>

<<I have to get ready for the cocktail party. I'll let you know what happens.>>

<Okay. Good luck!>

I pull out a gorgeous cocktail dress with a neckline that that exposes my collarbones and hugs me in all the right places. I freshen up my makeup and began pulling pieces of my hair back to create a messy bun-like look. I couldn't stop thinking of Can. How did I not know that he was an alumnae of this program? Why didn't Metin bring that up? I'm lost in thought while I finish getting ready and head to the elevator so I'm not too late, although I'm ten minutes passed the starting time.

I walk into the cocktail reception and immediately my eyes start searching for Can. He's no where to be found. I politely make small talk with the alumnae, answering additional questions and doing my best to talk highly of myself, but not sound too egotistical. I meet some of the other candidates too, all of them a bit nervous, but just as excited as me to be there. As the night progresses there is still no sign of him. I'm starving and decide that I've spent an hour talking and I excuse myself and head back to my room to order room service.

A knock on the door interrupts me pulling the pins out of my hair - yes, the food is here! "I'm coming!" I yell from the bathroom as I pull the last pin down. I open the door and Can is standing in the doorway, looking absolutely breathtaking."Can, I...."

But before I can even say anything more, he walks into my room. I shut the door and turn around and he's right there, I almost crash into him. "I didn't know you wou...." and he pulls me close to him. Our noses are touching and he just holds me right there, so impossibly close. I look up at him and he touches my face and begins to stroke my hair. I lean into his touch, oh how I missed his touch. He moves my hair to the side and leans into my neck, placing a soft kiss there as he inhales deeply, sending shivers down my spine.

I jump when I hear a knock at the door and Can looks at me quizzically. I smile and say, "Room service, I'm starving."

"Me too." He says. Except, I don't think he's talking about food.

*********
Sanem's answers to Can's question from the interview are actually part in parcel quotes from Terry Pratchett & Virginia Woolf