Caught Up In You

9- The Journey

Previously: Sanem: In that moment he hands me an envelope. I open it and see four tickets to Chicago.

"I think if your parents can drop you off and see it, they'll feel better about it, don't you?" he says as he pulls me in for another kiss.

"But what about us?" I say as I take his hands in mine.

He pulls me close to him and whispers, "if you tell me to stay, I'll stay. If you tell me to go, I'll go."

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Sanem
The next month flies by. There's so much going on at the agency that between packing for a six month sabbatical and keeping up with all the work with our new clients, I'm struggling to find any time for myself or for Can. Plus, since my parents agreed, thanks to Can's help, they have not wanted me out of their sight for fear they'd miss me too much before I actually leave. I close my eyes thinking back to the evening where I went toe-to-toe with anne and baba telling them that they'll never understand me and why can't they just let me do things. I felt trapped and couldn't articulate why this was so important to me, which usually happens when things start to get out of hand - I panic or don't say anything the right way. I ran to my room, called Can and he ended up coming over and explaining things to them in a way that I couldn't, in a way that made me appreciate his calmness during a time when all I brought was the storm. They had refused the plane tickets initially, saying it was too much. Can had told them they weren't refundable and they'd go to waste if they didn't take him up on it. Leyla had chimed in that she'd stay and look after the store for the week if Can Bey would give her the week off to do that. Everything was set and I was both thrilled and terrified.  

As I continue to haphazardly put clothes in my suitcases, one thing that tugs at my heart is what Can said to me that night on the rocks. I so badly want him to come with me, I also know that he has so much responsibility at the agency and it's not very realistic for him. I know he'll do whatever I want, but I haven't given him an answer yet, and it's starting to strain our relationship. 

Can
"Sanem, it's for the best," I say again for the millionth time. She is so stubborn. Literally the most stubborn person I've ever met, and she's so cute when she's this way, even if she makes me crazy. 

"Can, you absolutely cannot come with me to talk to my parents about this. I must do it on my own," she says standing there looking so adorable while her hands are on her hips, doing her best to put her foot down. 

Exasperated I continue my argument, "My love, they will have questions about the housing, they will have questions about the city, they will have questions on so many things. I've been through the program, I've lived in Chicago, I know I can make them feel comfortable with you being there. Let me help you." 

"Can, no. Thank you, but no. Now leave the archive so I can have some peace and finish this copy for Deren before she comes looking for me and yelling!" she says. I can't help but smirk knowing she's right about Deren. 

"This conversation isn't over, Sanem!" I say as I blow her a kiss and retreat as she's asked. 

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My phone rings and I put my whiskey down, smiling as I answer, "Hello Sanem." "Can, I need you to come over and help with my parents," she says in tears on the other line. 

I smile, not at her frustration or tears, but at the fact that she needs me. 

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Sanem
The day has finally come, we're getting ready to head to the airport. Anne, Baba and I pack all our bags into the taxi. As we drive along the road I'm looking out the window hoping I made the right decision. I know it sounds ridiculous, but for someone who has never left home before, this entire trip and the six whole months I'll be gone really does seem daunting, especially since I'll be in a foreign country with a language barrier. 

I'm so excited to finally chase my dreams. To know that I don't have to walk to an abandoned house anymore to have a space to write, or hide my notebooks in my bedroom. To know that I can be inspired by a new atmosphere and surroundings, being near the water and animals. I really hope at the end I too become like the underground violet, wanting to come out on purpose to be found. 

We arrive at the airport, I check my luggage and we proceed through security. We find seats at the gate and I'm so nervous that I decide to walk around the terminal area to try and calm my nerves. I know I have another hour until we have to start boarding. I walk into stores mindlessly. I flip through magazines. Something is missing. Something doesn't feel right. I make my way back to the gate, looking at my watch and knowing that there's still time.  

I sit back down next to my parents and they're chatting about the last trip they took before we were born. And how excited they are to visit the United States and what they wanted to see when they arrive in Chicago. They're excited to eat deep dish pizza, try the American hotdog, and visit landmarks they've read about. They're so involved in conversation that it's time to start boarding. I'm anxious and my breathing has started to become shallow. Just as I feel like I'm going to get sick, he appears out of no where and reaches for the small of my back and hands me a tea. "Sorry to cut it so close everyone, I really hate being in airports longer than I have to be," Can says with a gorgeous smile on his face. And all the sudden that feeling I had earlier of something being missing, dissipates. 

"Can! We almost thought you decided not to come," my Anne says giving him a huge hug. It's endearing how much my parents like him and I'm hoping that'll be in my favor when I tell them that we're together. 

We board the plane and Can has brilliantly put us behind my parents by a couple rows. He booked a direct flight and I'm happy knowing how tired I'm going to be. I close my eyes and think, in just 11 and a half hours, we'll be in Chicago! 

Can
The stewards go over the safety instructions for the plane, which I've heard countless times. Sanem has read the card front to back and everything else in the pocket seat in front of us, no doubt she's already got an exit strategy and to be honest, I've never felt safer flying with my little photographic memory girlfriend. She looks at me and says, "so I'm sitting on my life vest and this cushion will actually be a floatation device?" She pulls out the bag that no one ever really touches and I'm afraid she's going to get sick, but she's just inspecting everything like a child would on a flight for the first time. It's actually really sweet and it makes me appreciate that I've had this opportunity so many times and I've never thought twice about it. 

I hand her a small gift bag. She looks up at me with a quizzical look on her face, I smile and say "It's some essentials for your first flight." She takes everything out one by one, and looks to me for an explanation. Gum, "this is for take off, your ears will pop and this will help with that." A notebook, "so you can either write about this new experience or if your smart mind is racing and you need to write while we're on the plane." She leans in wanting to kiss me, and thinks better of it when she notices her Baba looking back for us. She waves and he smiles. A mini ipad, "I downloaded some movies for us and some music too, even though these TVs on the back of the chairs have movies, I thought you'd like to watch some romance with me." And last, but not least a little box. She looks at me and then the box. Hesitantly opens it and finds a charm bracelet. She lightly touches each charm, smiling and tearfully says, "Can, it's beautiful." An albatross, star, flower and heart hang from the bracelet. The heart has C loves S engraved in it. "I wanted you to have this so when you miss me, you know I'm always with you." 

Sanem looks ahead and sees that her parents are in full discussion about something and pulls me in for a kiss. "You aren't still mad that I don't want you to stay for the whole time, are you?" she says caressing my hand. "No, you made some valid points about the agency, and it's not that much time to be apart even though it's going to kill me." I say, bringing her hand to my mouth and placing a soft kiss on her knuckles. We get comfortable for the long trip and soon after we start the movie, Sanem falls asleep. 

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Can
"So how long have you been in love with my daughter?" Nihat nonchalantly asks and I almost choke on the delicious Borek that he just offered me.