Caught Up In You

20 - You Are The Reason

Previously: Can: We lay next to each other lazily and Sanem smiles and turns to me and says, "I hope you know that I'm going to enjoy living together these next few months if it means we get to do that all the time." I smile back knowing that getting on that plane was the best decision I made.

Sanem
Living together for the past few months has been incredible. We have learned to accommodate each other in many ways and have found strength in the challenges we face while still learning about each others' intricacies. I've found that it was hard initially for me to concentrate on anything but Can in the beginning because it was almost unrealistic to think he'd stay the whole time. My mind wouldn't let me believe it so naturally, I wanted to spend all my time with him and that ended up being difficult for both of us.  

We fell into a great pattern that included spending time in the morning together, our favorite part of the day. He didn't have to go into the agency until 10 am and I didn't have my workshop until noon, so we were able to have breakfast and tea and cuddle. Or some mornings I'd be inspired to write and he'd draw while gazing out the window at the zoo. 

Our time in Chicago was coming to an end which made me sad and excited at the same time. The workshop had proven to be exactly what I needed and wanted to jump-start my writing career. I couldn't wait to be assigned to my mentor when I returned to Istanbul and to start my novel. Sitting in the kitchen, I take a sip of my tea as I jot down notes for tomorrow's class. Can isn't home yet from work and I decide that we should go out to eat instead of having to get groceries for dinner. 

+++ 

While at dinner, I know that Can and I have to talk about what will happen between us when we arrive back in Istanbul. My parents still don't know that we're in a relationship, and I've kept them in the dark about Can living with me in the apartment for the past few months. I know they'd be so disappointed in me, but being this far away from them knowing I can't be caught makes it easier. 

"Do you want to get an appetizer?" Can casually asks me as he looks over the menu, holding my hand across the table, stroking his thumb over my knuckles. I squeeze his hand and smile, "I'm starving, yes let's get one, you choose!"  

"Can, what are we going to do when we get back to Istanbul? My parents don't even know about us and here we are, acting as though we're already married living together and being intimate. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving all of this, but the thought of having to stay at my parent's house and having so many strict rules when I get back is killing me. I don't know that I can be apart from you for that long," taking in a breath realizing I blurted all of that out in true fashion - quickly and nervously. 

Can gets up and sits in the seat next to me and grabs both of my hands, raises them and kisses my knuckles. "Sanem, I love you. We will talk to your parents together and work it all out. I know how important traditions are to you and your family. But let's enjoy the rest of the time we have here, together, just being ourselves without all the rules." He kisses me softly on the lips and I rest my head on his shoulder lightly gliding my nose over his neck. He hums at the sensation and I know dinner will be fast so we can get home. 

Can
Sanem unlocks the door and heads to the kitchen to make tea for us as we begin our nightly routine. I go into the bathroom and draw her a bath and light candles, I know her mind is still on our earlier conversation and I'm hoping this will help ease the heaviness of her thoughts. 

Walking in with two teas in hand, she sees the bubbles about to brim over the tub and smiles at me. "Caaaaannnn. You're the best," she says as she gets on her tiptoes to kiss me. She undresses quickly and gracefully gets in the bath and immediately exhales while dipping her head back to rest on the edge of the tub. I retreat to the bedroom and lay in bed with a book and start to doze off. The next thing I know as I wake, Sanem is cuddled next to me and the lights are off. I have no idea what time it is. 

I hear my name and realize she's dreaming about me. I smile and listen to whatever she may reveal unknowingly in her sleep. 

I love you too, Can. 

Yes a thousand times yes, I'll marry you! 

I sit up immediately and look at her, she's still completely passed out and a twinge of a smile appears on her face. I now know it's time for me to shop for a ring and do everything the right way. I can't imagine my life without her and I now truly understand her concerns when we arrive back home. Now I just need a plan for how I'll propose and then, of course, ask her parents properly for her hand. I scoot down back into bed and pull her closer to me, burying my head into her neck so I can fall asleep to her essence surrounding me, just like I've been accustomed to every night. 

+++ 

Sanem 
The plane ride is longer than I remember on our way back. Can upgraded our seats to first class and I feel like royalty sitting here, drinking champagne and knowing that in a couple of hours my seat will turn into a make shift bed. 

We talk about lots of different things as usual and when we need moments of silence, we turn to our books or to a movie. I fall asleep at some point and come in and out of grogginess, wanting nothing more than my actual bed. 

Walking through the airport together hand-in-hand, we make our way through customs and go straight to baggage claim. I was hoping to surprise my parents by coming back a day early, but somehow they knew we were back already and Can winked at me, as they ran to greet us. Unable to keep my emotions at bay, tears ran down my face, I missed them so much over the past few months. 

Can went to hail all of us a taxi. Everyone got in except for him. Looking at him quizzically, he explained that he had his truck brought to the airport last night so that he could just hop in and go. "You're driving alone after that long flight?" Mekivbe said to him as she looked at me and Nihat in disapproval. "I'm used to the flights and traveling, I'll be fine, I promise." 

Suddenly I felt a pang, I couldn't get out of the taxi and kiss him good-bye, but I also didn't want to stay where I was. I was torn between my two worlds that I so desperately wanted them to become one. Looking at Can with tears in my eyes, I felt that he understood and said everything through his eyes. 

Can
Walking away from her at that moment without being able to kiss her or hug her goodbye, affected me more than I thought it would. As I drove through the Instanbul traffic it came to me, the perfect way to propose. I was definitely going to need help to pull it off so I picked up my cell phone and started making plans.