Seventeen
"This is literally the best Italian food I have ever tasted."
Steven was grinning after I said this, putting his fork back into his pasta and taking another bite.
"I told you, I know the good places to go."
The lighting was low in the restaurant; illuminated only by a few scarce candles that flickered elegantly back and forth in some unseen gust of wind. The ceiling hung low, and the aroma of spices that lingered out from the kitchen continued to fill my nose. The date had been going no less than perfect, and Steven had been kind throughout the whole evening.
But I didn't feel anything.
It's like I was numb to it all. The sensations of romance in the restaurant, the buzz of the red wine we had been poured per Steven's request; even his sea blue eyes that had once been my whole world had seemingly faded into something that held no affection for me anymore.
"Is the wine alright? I know the owners you see, and they recommended the bottle. Said it didn't matter we were underage, since they know my parents if anything got crazy-"
"I have to breakup with you Steven."
The words fell out uncontrollably and his fork fell to his plate.
"W-what?"
I swallowed the air filling my mouth and looked him square in the eyes.
"I don't have feelings for you anymore."
Steven moved his fork around his plate in slow motion; the confidence I had once loved gone from his eyes. He looked wounded, yet, not entirely broken.
"I tried to slow it down, set a better pace for you. I really did."
I nodded.
"I know you did, and you succeeded. I promise. I just-"
Looking at him, my heart felt no longing or regret for the things I had said. His face grew more hallow the longer I stared at it, emptying me of any feelings that were still hidden in the back of my heart. The candles continued their dance in the wind, no longer for romance, but for ominous sadness and Gothic feelings of end.
There was no way I could phrase what I had been thinking to him, so I simply left the sentence unfinished for him to interpret on his own. He didn't press the matter, only waved the waiter over for the check and then drove me home.
Our usual goodbye kiss was replaced by a friendly handshake and silence. I gave him a shy smile and he nodded as he got in his car and sped off.
I stood on the sidewalk, at the crossroads of being able to run to Tina's house or to the bookstore, but instead I just went inside alone.
Somethings are meant to be experienced in small doses, and breakups are one of them.
