Forty-Five
Buying two frappuccinos and then walking over to the football field was a scenario that was littered with feelings of deja-vu. Tina and I haden't come down here together in months, and now we sat here on the ground in our same old spot; drinking froze coffee as the spring sun created a condensation of water that dripped down my hands.
It had been even odder to order both the drinks in my cap and gown; graduating from a high school and entering a new world... yet, at the same time, still belonging to the old and familiar.
Tina's blonde curls picked up the glossy rays of sunlight; her bruises starting to fade, new skin growing over the once deep cuts that penetrated her flesh. She was looking healthier, and happier; more free, more alive.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better today... Like, a lot better."
She took a drink from the green straw, and then set the frappuccino cup down in the grass.
"Have you talked to Matt recently?"
The mention of his name made Tina's hands tense up, and I immediately recoiled and mildly wished I haden't asked the question.
"Only when I saw him in passing after leaving his parents house the other day."
"So you are going to press charges."
"Yeah."
I nodded and took a sip of my drink to break some of the uncomfortable tension I felt being brought about on the mention of the darker subject manor.
"I almost backed down you know... I almost didn't turn in the papers to press charges against him."
My eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Why?"
Tina became suddenly fascinated in her shoes.
"I think I was so ashamed that I had lied to you. That it had taken me so long to admit that what had happened wasn't what I thought it was... That I had made you think my feelings were something that they weren't."
I looked across to her.
"To be honest, I just really wanted my best friend back. I was more worried than anything else, especially when you came over with all the bruises... I thought you were going to die."
The sun was nearly setting now; the sky brush stroked with hues of red and pink, fading across the realm above in a graceful display of elegant ombre.
"I don't think I could have lived with myself if I'd lost you forever... I would have felt like it was my fault, like I haden't given enough for you- like I'd been a tease."
A small smile appeared on her lips.
"Amber Wallerstein, you are most certainly not a tease. I know what you and Dylan have been up to."
"Tina-"
"Do you think I'm stupid? I know what lust looks like, and I see it in your eyes every time you look at that boy."
We both started laughing and I had the odd feeling that some sort of cycle had been fulfilled, some sort of chapter what closing as another was beginning. There were no words to describe the type of journey I'd been on in the past year; no reasonable explanation into the path that I had cut and the lessons I'd learned.
I guess we all find ourselves on a path that takes us to new places and through our learning we become stronger and smarter beings. Maturing, change, love, and war are all aspects of life. And I guess, sometimes in this wild process, we end up feeling like we're something that we're not... In more ways than one.
Tina picked up her half-full Starbucks cup and raised it towards me.
"I say we make a toast."
I raised my own cup.
"To the journey ahead and the trials we leave behind."
"Aye!"
I clunked my cup against hers and we both took a satisfying sip.
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