Nineteen
I felt the compelling urge not to talk to anyone that afternoon in the bookstore.
It was almost like each time a person would get within the vicinity of speaking distance, I would coyly sneak around the other side of the vast shelves, trying to lose myself in the covers of the novels.
From Tina to Steven, I felt like I had been letting go of my entire world in the past few weeks, so in response I was closing myself off into hibernation to avoid losing anything else. I didn't know why I had chosen to come here to the store, rather than just hide away in my bed. This felt like a sanctuary almost; a silent conversation between me and the written words that I was safe here.
"You still go to that store on the corner? With the door that we always liked?" Tina had asked me, during Freshman year when she started dating and I still sat in the kids section.
"I like it there. It's quiet and gets me out of the house for a while." I replied, as Tina rolled her eyes and swirled her iced coffee so that it twisted into a spiral that circulated around in the container.
"Do you have a problem with me going there still?"
"No."
"Then why did you make such a big deal about it?"
Tina sighed and placed the coffee down on the grass of the field.
"Maybe you should try branching out a bit Amber. You're becoming so predictable."
I looked at her funny.
"I am so not predictable."
Tina almost started laughing.
"Yes, yes you are. You only visit the same four places every single day: your house, school, this field, and that stupid bookstore. You know guys like girls that are a little spontaneous. Why don't you come with me to Evan's party tonight or something? It will keep you away from that weird boy and his parents who own the store anyway."
Looking through the gap in between two vampire novels, I saw that weird boy, Dylan, standing with an older woman at the counter and trying to teach her how to swipe her credit card down the machine. She finally worked it out and ruffled his hair fondly as she stepped out of the store. I found a red cheeked smile slip on to my face.
Maybe today wasn't the day for talking.
Maybe today was a day for quiet observation.
