Untaken Chances (Currently undergoing a Re-Write)

The Blessing

         Decemeber 2nd, and my life took a turn for the worst. We were on break from tour and I had to get a way, so I took a vacation by myself to Spain. I got a hotel, and spent the entire two weeks in the indoor pool. I didn't leave the hotel once- until I got a call from her. I was just relaxing on a blow up tube when my phone rang- her ringtone sounded, causing all heads to turn towards my phone where it rested on the fluffy, white hotel towel. I turned off of the blue floating tube face first into the water. I'm sure my entire front half was red, but I didn't care- she was calling me. I swam towards the phone and answered it, my voice rough from my almost sleep.

                "Hey! It's me," She had bubbly answered. I could practically see her smiling. Harry had taken her on vacation to Paris- the "CIty of Love"- which he kept repeatedly saying everyday leading up to their trip. To Paris. He took her to Paris. Just imagining them holding hands on one of the platforms of the Eiffel Tower is enough to make my heart wrench.

               "I know who it is. What's up," I had replied, trying my best to sound as chipper as her, but likely coming across as half hearted. I wasn't chipper. Nothing about this made me even consider the possibility of wanting to be anything close to chipper. I was happy with being sad and depressed if that meant I would never be chipper over this. Anything but chipper.

                  "Where are you? Harry and I are in England now. We're visiting his mom- I think he said something about throwing a party," She had laughed. Now she seemed to be the one that was half hearted. She was hiding something- it was like I could feel it. Some sensor in my body started going off- an alarm? I'm not sure, but I could tell when she was hiding something. I just knew it.

                    "I'm still in Spain. A party for what?" I replied, my emotions heightened. If there was a party happening, I knew to be there. There was something about a party that she didn't like- the fact that Harry was throwing a party... that was something I didn't like. That meant he had an agenda.

                     "Can you come? Everyone else is coming. I just- I need you there, with me. Please?" There was something else in her voice that worried me. Something I just couldn't say no to- so I didn't. I told her I would be on the next plane out. I could hear the smile in her voice again. I hoped I could always hear the smile in it. Anything else would be too brutal for me to bare. I was there later that day, I was at Harry's mothers house by nine at night in dark jeans and a light blue dress shirt and light brown leather jacket. The party had already began. She greeted me at the door wearing a golden dress, pulling me into a hug. A tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her in. I took in her scent- mango. She is the only girl I know that wears mango perfume- which makes it worse. I'm to the point where even a wiff of mango puts me on my knees wishing she was with me. With me and not Harry. She had pulled back, a big grin on her face as she backed away and took my hand and guided me to the party. There were bottles of champagne, trays of sandwiches, trays of vegetables- trays of practically everything. I had continues to let her guide me to the backyard where people were gathered around a little fire- laughing. Laughing. Why were they all laughing so much? There's nothing to laugh about, as far as I'm concerned. There were dozens of people- some were seated, others were dancing. There was a microphone placed on a table, where more food was assorted. There were even balloons. Was it someone's birthday?  had wondered. No, I didn't think was. I let her guide me to a seat at the fire next to Zayn, who had flashed me a grin then went back to having a conversation with Perrie. She sat in the seat next to me then had begun telling me about her and Harry's trip to Paris. She told me all about the hotel, about where they went, and about how everyone kept following them around. I could tell she didn't like that- fans following them. I didn't either, but you get used to it. She would, too. After a few minutes of small talk, everyone became quiet, and her and I both looked to see Harry with the microphone, a big smile on his face. I watched as he reached towards her like he was going for her hand though she was a few feet away. She smiled back at him, then sent a smile at me then joined him in the middle of everyone. He took her by the waist and pulled her into his side. They were both smiling at eachother. Harry brought the microphone to his lips.

                    "About a year ago, I was all alone. I had no one by my side. I mean, I had my mates- but no one to share my amazing life with. Then I met this beautiful lady. She turned everything around. She changed my life- for the better. I didn't know how I had lived before her. I don't know how I breathed before she came into my life. She brought air with her. She brought promises of a new life with her- a life that I didn't ever know I wanted. A life I want now more than ever. While in Paris, something crossed my mind. Something that, again, I never knew I wanted. A promise. A promise to love someone with everything you have- give them all you got. A promise to be there through sickness, through health, till death do you part," He grinned again. I had looked around, desperately. Everything made sense. Everything. Everything from the desperate phone call to this party. To all the people. To the microphone. I looked at the balloons again, their words finally visible as they caught the glimmer of the fairy lights strung up all around the backyard. They had read "Congradulations!" Congradulations for what? Then I saw it. The little silve thing that decorated one of her fingers. She had done well at hiding it from me. She had done a great job.

                   "I asked her this question- one many have asked before. I asked if she was willing to fulfill this promise with me. She answered with one that I didn't see coming- one I was hoping for- but didn't think would happen. She said yes! She said yes!" He had hollered, pumping the fist that held the microphone as he pulled her in for a quick kiss. Everyone had cheered for them. Everyone but me. That was something I couldn't fake. I couldn't- not that kind of happiness. I felt more broken than I had in the months they have been together. I would have given anything to die right then. During all of the cheering, I got up and walked through the house and out the front door, leaving it wide open. I had started walking down the sidewalk, pulling my jacket closer around me. I wasn't cold, but I had never felt so hollow.

                   "Niall! Niall, wait!" I had heard her holler behind me, her foot steps light as she pulled on my jacket, forcing me to stop. She was fast. The fastest girl I have ever seen. She looked up at me, her eyes bright- as bright as the diamond ring that rest on her finger. I looked away from her. She looked so beautiful. The gold dress had made everything else about her lighter- showing the red and bronze hues in her hair. The golden flecks in her eyes. God, why does this hurt so much?

                  "I- I want your blessing," She had said, still looking up at me. She reached one of her porcelin hands up, moving my head so that I looked directly into her eyes. Nothing hurt more than that. I couldn't take it. It made it so real.

                   "My blessing? You don't need my blessing,"  I had replied, feeling like she had slapped me by just saying the words. Her hands rested on either side of my face. Her thumbs made circles on my skin.

                     "I want to know that you think this is a good idea. I want you to say you support this desicion," She grinned, light tears in her eyes. Happy tears, even a fool could see the happiness in her eyes. It burned my own to see it there. I had continued to stare into them, trying to muster up something to even say. What do you say to that? What is there to say to that? Nothing, that's what. But she deserves a reply. She deserves me to say something- just not what I so desperately want to say. Not what I so desperately feel. She doesn't deserve that. God, no one deserves that.

                      "If you want to marry him, then it's a brilliant idea," I smiled at her. She smiled back, causing a stary tear to run down her face. I reached forward and wiped it away. My hand stayed there, resting on her cheek. She reached up and squeezed my hand, then put it down, pushing herself forward, wrapping her arms around me. I circled my own arms around her, pulling her close. I would have stayed like that forever, believing she was mine and that I still had a chance. I would have to, if it wasn't for the ring digging a hole in my back. Digging a hole in my heart.