Untaken Chances (Currently undergoing a Re-Write)

Bliss

    On September 1st, she was allowed out of the hospital. She went home She went back to the house her and Harry share, her ring dutifully hanging on her finger. We all went to their house. Harry wanted us there with them. He wanted her to be with people that love her. She was. I think I loved her enough for the five of us. I knew I couldn't take the chance of her telling Harry what I had said in the hospital. At least that's what I told myself was the reason I went. I knew in my heart it wasn't. I couldn't leave her. Leaving her was what had gotten her hurt. I had gotten her hurt. None of this would have happened if I hadn't cut her out of my life. None of this. None.

            I had found myself sitting alone on their front porch at 4am the day after she came home. I was sipping on tea. I could barely taste it. Billions of thoughts were racing in my mind. Why did I tell her? Why couldn't I keep it to myself? Why did I listen to Zayn and not leave while I had the chance? Why doesn't she love me back? To every question no answer came, I could only see her face. So many memories of her. Her laughing. Her smiling. Her wrapping her arms around me and planting a sweet kiss on my cheek. Her sitting on my lap, pretending as if she was the heaviest thing in the world, when in reality she was as light as air. I had memories of her giving Harry thousands of kisses. Him sneaking her away at night and going to his room. Her walking out of his room in the morning with only his tee shirt on. The dozens of songs I wrote about her that no one could ever hear. The songs I sang to myself every night that only worstened the pain- worstened the guilt I felt for even feeling what I felt for her. All those memories that will forever be in my head, always filling me with regret for never taking a chance that night. I had been so lost in thought that I didn't hear her come outside and sit in the chair next to me. She was wearing a short white night gown, with white bunny slippers clung to her feet. She looked so beautiful that I could feel my heart beating every where.

           "Hey." I had said as I struggled to catch my breath.

          "Hi. What are you doing out here? It's freezing." She had said as she tugged on her thin night gown. I got up and took off my tan jacket and wrapped it around her. She smiled a smile so big and bright that it took everything to not kiss her. It took everyhing not to do more than that.

          "So how are you feeling?" I had asked, unable to really say anything else. I could feel my throat closing. I didn't know if I should even bring up my speech. I had never been more terrified than I was at the exact moment as I awaited her rejection. I couldn't breathe.

          "I'm okay. I miss being in the hospital though. No one seems to talk to me while I'm sleeping here." She said as her smile became so wide and she let out a breathy laugh. I remember feeling like my body shut down and turn to ice. I remember not being able to move. All I could do was stare at her. She had gotten up and came and sat on my lap, her knees banging together as she adjusted her night gown.

          "Before you ask, yes, I heard what you said. All of it." She had answered my unasked question. I felt myself dying inside. This could really be the end. She won't want to be my friend anymore- she won't want anything to do with me. It's not like she's going to leave Harry for me. I almost felt like he should have her. Almost.

         "So now you know. Listen, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have said anything. All this does is complicate our friendship more and I'm sorry." I said all in one breath. She had just stared at me. Stared at me with those beautiful chocolate eyes, the ones filled with laughs, unasked questions and untold answers. The eyes that just make a person melt inside. The eyes that couldn't seem to stop staring into mine as she said:

          "Why didn't you take the chance that night? Why did you just give up?" It took a while for me to answer. The question had caught me off guard. I never thought she would ask any questions, but would just tell me off.

         "Because... I knew that I would never stand a chance against Harry. I also didn't want to hurt him. I just- I didn't think I could have you." I had whispered to her. She gave a light smile, one full of a sadness. I could practially feel her hurt as if it was my own. God, I'm such a fool.

          "I don't want to hurt Harry like that either. I think- I think I'm going to go home. My real home. Things just aren't working like I thought they would. I just don't think it's right to stay here when I only am causing pain." With that she got up and started walking towards the door to the house, then stopped. She turned around and walked back to me, bending down and did something I never, ever thought would happen. She kissed me. I was too stunned to do anything, so I just sat there and enjoyed the few seconds of bliss while they lasted. She pulled back and stood still for a moment, pressed her lips to mine one more time, then walked to the door and went inside. I don't think I felt as happy as I did in that moment ever. Nothing could compare to what I felt. My whole body was buzzing. Every fiber of my being had felt as though it was on fire. She had kissed me. I never felt more alive.

        Still, my mind was racing with questions- ones I couldn't seen to get rid of. What did she mean? Does she love me back? Was she leaving Harry? Later that day, only one of those questions recieved an answer.