When You Know

7 - They're both just as bad as each other.

Mum was so nervous to go to Ruben's the next day.

She got changed a thousand different times, and each time I had to tell her she looked amazing and that he would think so, too; but still she didn't believe me and went to get changed again.

She finally decided she was being ridiculous and would just wear jeans and one of her old footy jumpers that she still had from when she was a teenager, which was what she wore most days when she wasn't at work anyway and was just hanging out at home. I never understood why she had that particular jumper, though, because it wasn't my club jumper she was wearing. It was from another team, and when I actually thought about it today, it made me wonder whether it might have been Ruben's old team before he switched over to play with Tanner.

"Yes, Madd. This was Ruben's when we were young; but I stole it and wouldn't give it back to him," she said with a smile. "Actually, it was more that he gave it to me to wear, and I just never gave it back.

"There was one night where your granddad was really drunk, and Uncle Seth called Ruben to come help because I was really upset and he didn't know what to do. So, Ruben ran to our old house in the middle of the night—which was a long way from his house, mind you—and he sat with me while I cried until I felt better. It was a little bit cold that night, and your uncles and aunt were already sleeping in my bed and there wasn't any more room for me, so Ruben gave me this jumper and I fell asleep leaning on his shoulder."

"That sounds very romantic," I teased.

"If you call me crying hysterically and soaking the other jumper he was wearing through with my tears, and him waking up with my snot and drool all over him romantic; then yes, I guess it is," she laughed.

It must have been a really bad night if she was hysterical, snot-level crying, and I was really glad she could make jokes about it now. There was definitely a time earlier on in our lives when the thought of joking about things like this never even entered her mind as a possibility.

I was also really glad that she was telling me more about her life, especially the parts about Ruben. Everything she said about him made him seem like a hero, and my mum deserved a hero after all the other things she went through as a kid.

I watched her as she put on her bright pink lipstick, which she only ever did when she was going out with her friends or on a date, neither of which she did very often.

"How do I look, kiddo? You think this will do?" she said, looking from the mirror to me watching her while seated with crossed legs in the middle of her bed, having put nowhere near as much energy or thought into my clothing choices as she had. Ruben would be stupid to not think she is as beautiful as I do.

"Alright. Let's do this," she concluded, trying her best to sound brave.

Mum wasn't going to grab her skateboard when we got in the car. She was anxious that she'd fall and look silly in front of Ruben, but I reminded her of what she said to me the first time she took me out: "You can't just not do things you love because you're scared of getting hurt, or of being reminded of bad memories."

She had learned how to skate with her old, asshole boyfriend Camden, and from what she told me recently, she had fallen into a bad habit of not doing a lot of the things she had loved when she went though a break-up because it was always a reminder to her of the bad times or bad feelings she had. It was my greatest relief when she found her courage to not avoid those things anymore, because I absolutely loved going skating with her.

Uncle Landon—who used to be Camden's best friend a long time ago, which was how Mum initially met him—had been teaching me in secret for years whenever he babysat me because he knew Mum would worry about me being hurt. I now assume his secrecy was also because he didn't want to risk reminding her of Camden and everything that he did to her, which I believe Uncle Landon must know all about. For as long as I've known him he has always been incredibly protective of Mum and me when it comes to men.