Just a Few Things I Need to Say

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NAMES WILL BE CHANGED FOR PRIVACY

To Suzy: I have a lot to say to you. So many things that I could never say in person. You confuse me. A lot. Whenever we talk, I smile, because you make me laugh, but I can't completely forgive you for what you did to me. You made me feel like SHIT last year, and I don't know if it was intentional or not. You undermined relationships I had with others, saying that they weren't real. You failed to take BASIC HINTS in situations where I was upset, and looked to you for sympathy. You made me feel bad about my talents, and turned me into a jealous monster. The worst thing? I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't tell you, because whenever I went over the conversation in my head, you just said "oh. Okay," with a blank stare. I couldn't  tell anyone else, because I thought theyd think I was a bad friend. I wanted us to stay friends. I wanted to keep laughing, so I didn't tell you. And I was selfish, because I knew that if I stopped being your friend, nothing would change for you, but I'd be devastated. But at the end of the day, we're still friends, and Im glad.

To Magnus: I never knew how you felt about me. Not once. It took me almost a year and a half to figure out how I felt about you. You were, and are as of right now, the only person I've wanted to date. And for all my bravado about how I don't care what others think, I'm lying. I cared what you might think. So I didn't tell you how much I liked you. We were friends, and it would have been awkward if you didn't feel the same. When you sat behind me in math, I stole your pencils  because the look of exasperation you'd give me made me smile. I wanted to interact with you in any way I could, and flirting was not my forte. I tried to be painfully obvious without outright saying it, showing you animatics for I Can't Help Falling in Love With You, and It's Not LIke I Like You, but you never took the hint. And now I have no way of get in contact with you, we go to different schools, and I have no idea how you felt about me.

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