Begin Again

Day thirty-three

It was the first day after he had awoken that she hadn't spent by his side.

And she'd always felt as if half of her jigsaw puzzle was missing when he was absent, but now it felt as if the puzzle wasn't there at all.

Coulson had called her into the lab to try and and analyse a sample of the latest Centipede formula. It seemed as though the scientists of Hydra had managed to create more of the fake GH-325, which was extremely worrying. The super-soldiers, as Skye put it, were now super-super-super-soldiers.

She hadn't even caught a glimpse of May since the shower incident, and Skye had informed her that Triplett was suffering from a bullet wound to the leg. Simmons had immediately offered to see to him, but Skye had laughed and turned her down. "No need, Coulson's already got someone on it - some habits never die, do they?"

~*~

It had been a hard day. She'd worked for hours on the microscope, watching the particle behaviours as she went. Her conclusion was a disaster - the new serum was some kind of chemial cocktail, including the fake GH-325, the initial Centipede serum, a weak strain of her own dentrotoxin (which she was extremely miffed at), Extremis and something that was undeniably Asguardian. They were right about Hydra - when one head gets cut off, another takes it's place, except now it seems more like another three at least.

She decided to take a shower, letting the warm water flow over her skin. It didn't suffocate her as much as it did before May helped her to face her fears, and now it just felt like it was washing off all of her anxieties. Fitz wasn't remembering much, if anything, and this was worrying her slightly. It still hurt to see the absense of that fuzzy recognition she used to see when she looked into his brilliantly blue eyes.

It also hurt that she'd only started realising that her deep affection was something more now that he was in this state. There were so many 'what if's that were fogging up her mind, and as much as she tried to block them out they kept leering at her, like buzzing mosquitoes that never seemed to go away no mater how much she swatted at her.

For some reason she just felt like singing, so she picked the first song that came to mind.

"When we grew up, our shadows grew up too."

And yet the shadows were surrounding her, smothering, cloaking. It was getting harder and harder for the light to reach her face.

"But they're just old ghosts, that we're attracted to."

Maybe she was just holding on with a grip that was much too tight.

"The tragic flaw is that they hide the truth."

They said to trust the system. And where had that got them?

For the first time in her life, Jemma broke down in a shower.

~*~

When she dried herself off, she removed not only the water, but her own inhibitions, her own fears, her own internal conflicts. She ran a brush through her hair, painted a delicate smile on her lips, and stepped out to face the world - and the major problem of Fitz's lack of memories.

Song is You Are Enough by Sleeping at Last - in sidebar.

I think this chapter is kinda important, as Jemma resolves to free herself from the system and instead devote herself to getting Fitz's memories back. And I really do love Sleeping at Last, so I couldn't resist.

Do check out notapepper on fanfiction.net, and also TheLateNightStoryteller for some Fitzsimmons feels.

isabella_maeve 🎲