ℂ𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕟 {𝕂𝕃𝔸ℕℂ𝔼}

Grief

Dear Keith,

Have you heard of the five stages of grief?

I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to look it up. Every time I closed my eyes memories flashed through my mind so I couldn't exactly do that. Instead, I ended up on that side of the internet.

I think I might have grief.

Which is so fucking pathetic because no one died. Maybe I've always been problematic from day one but I don't know. It doesn't really matter though. I think I've figured it out.

Everyone I had, everybody I thought I had, has always left me. All these amazing people who stuck around just to let me get attached eventually go away. They deal with me for a couple of months, maybe a year if I'm lucky. Then they realize how much of an annoying and shit person I am so they leave me behind. I've lost everyone I cared about eventually. Either they use me for their own personal gain or they just leave. That's just how it is.

But I'm sensing a common thread.  

What do all of these incidents have in common?

Me.

They all left me.

I'm the problem. I have to be because why would the majority of people despise the very idea of me if it wasn't? I'm just one big problem no one wants to deal with.

No matter what I'll always be the second choice.

My worst fear has been realized; I'm completely and utterly alone with no one to turn to.

Wallowing in my own self-pity,

Lance