The Art of Learning to Breathe

E p i l o g u e

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It didn't seem as if months had flown by and things had changed until I was sat in the same (still in need of desperate repair) plastic chair I had taken a seat on months ago. Only this time my hands were sturdy on my lap, my heartbeat, steady and calm. My whole composure was more relaxed I noticed, I was no longer stiff and excommunicated from the society I was and will always be part of.

I sigh once again and gaze at the clock hung on the wall, the same clock I had previously fixated my stare at in anxiousness and fear yet this time I felt a change. Of course, I was not a new and completely repaired person, nor were my parents but we all had realised our faults and tried to heal slowly. I was not going to fix myself from the anxiety-ridden mess I have always been, at least not immediately.

I began to realise that healing takes a while, a long while. It was not something you could work on in a day, a week or even a month. We are not dolls, we cannot glue on our perfect features and paint over our mistakes and flaws. That's not how it works.

We learn we grow, and our heart grows a couple of sizes in the process. Our hearts begin to fill with love for those who have hurt you, wronged you, misjudged you and we begin to make more room for trust and forgiveness. Forgives for others, and most importantly forgiveness for yourself.

For all the times you disbelieved in your abilities, for all the times you questioned your importance in the world, for all the times you hated on yourself and wished you could be somebody new, somebody, who didn't have the baggage you seemed to always carry on your shoulders. It took me a while to realise that getting better was not a quick process, similarly to a broken bone it takes time to heal.

The door creaked open, painfully slow and Ren's familiar smile poked out of the door giving me comfort as I stood on two feet and headed for the door. If I was to relive the moments of my past self walking into the interview in this exact office, the vivid feeling of my heart rocketing against my ribcage and the hot flush across my body would greet me in an instant.

It came as a surprise when all I could feel was the steady rhythm of my heartbeat and the click of the door as it came to a close. A pair of murky grey eyes met my own and I smiled softly - I knew the words I was planning to do freely say - not a shadow of doubt crossed my mind as I settled in the leather seat.

"It's been a long couple of months, Adelaine," Mr Ward echoes after a moment, not wasting a second on a greeting or small talk - he wasn't the type of person to put off the conversation, I knew that.

"Yes," I nod, "six months is quite a lot of time, indeed."

Mr Ward's eyes turn downwards and almost immediately he reaches his eyes to my own again, "and as I said six months ago we had an agreement - an agreement I have every intention to stick to," he confesses, an uneasy look etching on his face as if I was naive enough to have thought otherwise. I, however, knew exactly what I was doing, what he was going to do, what would inevitably happen after a six-month agreement.

"An agreement is an agreement," I state emotionlessly.

"I am a man of my word, and I do not break promises so I will tell you the say thing I will plan on telling Fletcher in a few moments time."

I hum in agreement, calm and collected response to the inevitable I thought I would have dreaded to hear.

"My management and I have come to the conclusion that fortunately for you we have decided to take you on aboard as a new member for our company," he smiles wholeheartedly yet I do not respond, instead I wait knowing there was more he had hoped to say.

"Throughout your months of work I have come to the conclusion your hard work and motivation is something our company needs in all our staff - Fletcher was just as good of a candidate, I will not lie, I'm sure he would be cut for this job if there was another place but when worst comes worst you have to eliminate and choose your best options."

I pause and nod slowly (a small sense of pride filling me from head to toe - months ago I would say the thought of simply being enough for someone is a good enough feeling. Now, I couldn't disagree more).

"I'm really honoured to hear this, Mr Ward, really, it's an honour," I begin with a sudden burst of confidence within my veins, "however, I can't take this job."

There. It's out. A sigh of relief leaves my lips subtly as I notice the look of shock morphed with confusion appear on the man's ageing face.

"What do you mean you can't?" He questions, "of course you can! You're the perfect fit!"

"I can't," I repeat once again, "over these months I've learned something, something that really needed to sink in - how could I possibly say yes to a job I feel no attachment or love towards when there is someone else who could bring in so much more than I could ever try to, when that person needs this job?"

The man glances at me as if I had completely gone stir fry crazy - I mean it's understandable thinking that a young girl is turning down a well-paid job with decent shifts.

"I'd like you to reconsider your options because as far as I'm aware you have a far better candidate waiting outside," I pronounce confidently and slowly I lift myself from the seat.

"It was a pleasure, but for now, good riddance and good luck," I say as I spin on my heels for the exit. I couldn't have been more relieved, I realised as I came face to face with the boy who's tender heart swept me off two feet in just a few months time.

I beam, a glowing radiance filling my entire body, I can feel it: relief, happiness, joy. It all comes rushing at me full speed ahead as I lock two arms around his neck and crush his body with my own.

"Fletcher Abbott!" A voice calls out and the two of us pull away nonchalantly, a look of adoration and awe stares right back at me as I grin.

Life sure did do a complete three-sixty turn on me, didn't it? It got me good, but I knew I wouldn't change a single thing.

Well, here's the end to the first draft of 'The Art of Learning to Breathe'. It's crazy to think I have finally finished this story - it certainly took a while. I cannot express how thankful I am for everybody's support and I can't wait to get to revisiting this story and making the second draft twenty times better. It is most definitely not my best work but I hope you enjoyed either way. Thank you all!

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