what if it's us fanfiction

three

arthur's pov

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I blast a playlist as I wait for the right time to call Ben. I don't want to call too soon, because then it will seem like all I've done all day was wait for him. I also don't want to call too late at night and wake him up. Unless he was one of those college kids that partied all night... I'm over thinking this. It's just Ben. I reach for the phone and dial his number, which leads me to voice mail.

"Hey! It's Ben, I can't come to the phone right now... leave a message!" I should feel normal, he couldn't reach the phone in time. That's normal. It's not like he waited around all day at the phone for my call. Which would be stupid, and obsessive. I should be glad he's not waiting around for me. I should be glad he's not a clingy boyfriend. He's a carefree boyfriend who doesn't sit at the phone to call me. He did say HE would call ME. I just couldn't wait anymore...

"STOP!" I yell out loud at myself. I guess I'm spiralling. My roommate coughs, and I nearly forgot he was in the same room with me. I flush red, highly embarrassed and he sighs. 

"What's up Arthur?" he askes. Since I had first gotten here, we hadn't exchanged too many words. Just the casual "hey" and "shut up, I'm sleeping, stop obsessing over mindless things". Casual. Casual. I don't even know his name. I think it's Devon? I don't know.

"Uh... sorry! I can go back to silence. I didn't mean to bother you," I laugh. I feel so awkward. This kid makes me feel so trapped. I wish we were closer. I've always wanted to go to college and have a roommate that was like my bestie. That hasn't happened with Devon and I.

"No...No it's fine," he smiles. "I do that too sometimes, talk to myself I-I mean," he beams, for once I drink in his complexion and his side of the room. He has plants around his bed frame, and a drawer that he never lets me touch is a quarter of an inch open. I look at his posters, which are yoga meditational, and his blonde hair is tucked behind his ears.

"Ha, I thought you would think I was weird or something," I sit on my bed, facing Devon. He seems like a nice kid, I feel bad that I've never talked to him before. I look down at my phone and see no new messages so I throw it at the base of my bed and sit in silence to see if he will start up a conversation.

"No-- not at all!" he laughs, "I sometimes get really anxious when my boyfriend doesn't call me back or anything so he tries to pick up as often as he can--" he freezes, and for once I'm not the only kid trapped in the closet. I want to hug him. "OH MY GOD!" he yells, startling me. I jump and flush red, embarrassed for being so jumpy. "I'm sorry-- no wait -- you should be more open-minded!" he blurts, muttering something about what, "Connor told him to say".

"Wh-at? Oh no!" I blurt, "I-'M gay!" I look at my feet. Have I ever said that to a guy? Who I didn't grow up with or date? Devon instantly smiles, and I feel happy. I've never felt so happy to come out to another person.

"Cool," he beams, he looks like he wants to say something else when his phone buzzes, he reaches for it and I instantly see his face light up. 

"Sorry that's Connor!" he lets it ring for a few seconds more to say, "I don't know if I ever introduced myself, but my name's Evan," he whispers to me.

"Oh, my names Arthur," I say he smiles, and he hits answer on his cellphone and laughs at whatever Connor says. I reach for my phone as I head out the door, for one to give Evan privacy, and two to get fresh air and call Ben once more. Maybe I can have the college dream I always wanted...

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evan hansen and arthur suess roommates? more likely than you think!