january 2, 2019
you don't know what you've lost until it's gone. and you don't know when you're going to lose it. i lost him. he gave up early. i can't help but think he was just trying to protect me. but some other part of me wants to believe I wasn't good enough for him to stay. i really hate him for that sometimes.
and sometimes all I can think about is him holding me in his arms telling me he loves me. saying I was his. telling me my hands are soft. reciting to me all the lines from princess bride. telling me he's sleepy. drying my tears with his steady touch. sharing his blanket with me. driving with the music way up. playing with my hair. throwing me over his shoulder. smiling ear to ear underneath me. telling me it's time for him to leave.
i can't believe it's over.
even still i want to run to you. every time I see you. i want to kiss your fierce lips. i want to listen to your heartbeat again. i want to squeeze your hand and tell you it's going to be okay. i want to feel you beside me. feel your breath. your gaze. hear your voice close to me. just you close to me again.
every single time.
