"Why? Is it because I'm so good looking, you don't trust yourself alone with me?" He smirks.
"Wow, So you have a bad grasp on Literature and reality?" I Feign, yet with an embarrassed smile on my face.
--------------------------------------------
H...
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I sit across him, eyebrows furrowed, heart beating fast, and confusion written all over my face.
And all I'm thinking is: I knew it. He took out his frustrations on me, saw me as an advantage for what he was feeling that moment.
Should have got off him and went straight to the car, not letting him even closer to me. He's toxic, manipulative, and wants to let his emotions felt in his own time.
That's wrong.
Calling me a nerd is even worse.
For all I did was give him my genuine attention, listened to his heart-breaking story. All I get in return is this? The nerve.
"...You did not just call me that." Tears popping. I quickly remove them. Hurt just covering me.
It hurts because he out of all people know how I despise it.
Winter shows up within minutes. He sits on the same couch as mine, greeting Blaze and handing me the charger.
I chuckle, removing the hurt off my face with a smile, "You final decide to give me after all your stupid games." I say brushing the fake sweat off my forehead.
"But you didn't wanna play along." He rolls his eyes and sits back.
I keep silence. Still avoiding Blaze and what he said. It kind of hurts... and I'm not gonna lie. The real question is:
Why?
But at the end. I have my own conclusion and don't need his.
"So... have you thought about going out with me?" Winter asks. Staring at Blaze then me.
My eyebrows furrowed with confusion, questioning eyes bulged out and confused about what he's talking about.
"What?" I mumble so that he, only, can hear me.
He winks, alerting me to go with the flow.
"Oh... that... yeah, of cause. Why wouldn't I?" I say with such enthusiasm.
"Tomorrow then." He wiggles his eyebrows.
I grab my bag and take out books so we begin with Chemistry. We study with laughter filling up the room, him teasing other learners and me reminding him that we have to finish at least one chapter.
I make more popcorns for him. We complete and tidy up the place. For the whole session, Blaze was on his phone. But I have never looked at his face. I don't want to look at it.
"Should I go or...?" He looks at me with sympathy.
"It's fine. See you at school." I hold his shoulder and walk him to the door.
"Cool... thanks." He gives me the tightest hug and I return it. I could use some from a friend.
"Wear something goofy and... I don't know. Nice?"
"Wow... orders." I laugh and shut the door, heading straight to my room.
I don't know why I'm in here. I just want to clear my head and breathe before I have to face him. I cannot wait for the day these sessions end.
I go downstairs, he's still on his phone. I clear my throat and sit across him. Still faced down, I take out my English books and start flipping. Waiting for him impatiently to cooperate.
He locks his phone and puts it on the table. We still have twenty minutes before the session starts but I'm not spending it talking to him about anything else. I feel like we have been cosying with one another.
"So, You and Winter! Are you... dating?" He breaks the silence. I snap my head to him with my eyebrows furrowed.
"What?"
He scratches the back of his head, "You and Winter?"
"Why would you say that?" I fold my arms.
"Isn't it pretty obvious?" He rolls his eyes. No emotions written on his face.
"Look, I might be helping Winter with Chemistry, but there is no chemistry between us. and why do you care? Are you..."?
"Jealous? You think I'd be jealous in anything you do? You're just my partner. Study partner if you need a reminder. So Winter is good for you. Nerd!"
"Excuse me? Could you repeat that?" Anger taking over me.
"I said you are a nerd. Low-key for Low-key."
"I don't even know why I have to explain myself to a Vacuous person. Turn to page..."
"Lisa!"
"I said turn to page..."
My last words to him. I couldn't take the pain and the anger anymore. I wanted to punch him in the face. Hating him even more and obviously regretting the kiss.
I explain like nothing happened between us. Keeping things highly professional, just so I don't affect his studies with personal stuff.
He continues on his own as I go to the kitchen. Drinking water with my headache pills. I just want to finish with him. And forget that he ever existed.
"Are you cool?" I ask as I sit.
"I think so." Still no emotions showing.
"Cool." I finish the rest of the popcorns that Winter left.
"Uhm... we still have an hour left."
"Go use it up with your friends or girls... that's my cue to watch TV." I switch on the TV, placing my legs on the couch and resting my head. Still indulging in the popcorns.
"Whatever... by the way, about yesterday---"
"Don't worry. I don't know anything about your father and the kiss was just a huge, terrible mistake. Something that should have never happened." Still not looking at him. But I feel an ache in my heart. Something I should keep off.
Something I should have avoided from the word go... something that's HIM.
He's toxic. Changes one when nobody sought for it. As I always blab about it, this should have been kept professionally school based.
I knew he wanted to say that. Say something that would obviously hurt me even worse... leave me doubting myself.
"Cool... but what I wanted to say is, please don't mention my father's abuse to anyone. You're the only person I told." He mutters the last words, stands up and walks to the door.
