First Love

2

I flinched back at the unusual warmth on my lips. I finally gained my dear sight and Jack's right in front of mine. Did he just fucking try to kiss me?

He moved back as well, "Thina? Thina, why are crying?" Jack said as we broke the awkward silence that reached us. "Did I do something wrong?"

My present self pulled me out of my dreadful and unspeakable flashback. I felt a warm yet cold tear travel down my cheek. I wiped it quickly with my sleeve, not noticing the tears before.

"S-sorry, I have t-to go," I said, cursing myself for stuttering and letting myself cry in front of someone. But I still couldn't get the thought out of my head; did he kiss me or not? Was that warmth on my lips just one of my tears that had traveled all the way down my face?

I fumbled with all my papers and stuffed them all in my bag without giving a crap anymore. I was extremely confused. I didn't like Jack in that sort of way at all. And I was about to full on break down, right here. Right in front of my patient. Well, now known as my "ex-patient".

I couldn't let anyone see how weak, broken, and helpless I really was. Even people that I didn't even know and that I would never even end up seeing again.

"Wait! I'll pick you up from the front office! Be there seven shar—"

Jack couldn't keep up with me. I couldn't even lock my office door! Hell, I ran out before he could even finish his sentence. Shit! Now I have to meet up with him for sure because I didn't have enough time and heart to reject him and to make up for what I put him through that I was trying to hide all my life and I have to say sorry! Will I even bring up if he kissed me or not? If he did I will personally beat his motherfucking ass! Forget about even being sorry! Ugh! Fuck my life! What the fuck went wrong in there Thina! What did you do?

~~~

I got to my room door and searched for my keys. I felt tears piling up in my eyes, making my vision go all blurry. Finding my keys took longer that I thought.

"Come on!" I frustratedly said under my ragged breath, gritting my teeth.

I finally found them and hurriedly went inside, slamming and locking the door behind me.

My back was against the door as I fell to the floor. Tears already flowing down my face like a waterfall. I buried my face in my hands. Soft, half-breathed, sobs had finally escaped my trembling lips. Sooner or later, my hands had began to shake, then my breath became unsteady and uneven.

I had broken right then and there. After all these years, I had held it in and somewhat under control. But now... that cage that I was in... it had been ripped apart. That cage had helped hide the real me. It trapped me from being who I was in front of other people for so many years that I've become addicted to it. To it's darkness and evilness. But... it was gone. It broke. Unleashing the dark smoke out of the chimney, the demons out of hell.

If only it wasn't right in front of someone, then maybe, just maybe, it would have given me some kind of relief. Relief, that I got to let out all those tears that were building up higher and higher in my body. Each one like a brick. Holding them up was about to break my back. But I just had to let the fall down and make a big mistake in front of someone other than just myself.

What was he going to do? What was he going to tell everyone? Could Jack even keep a secret? Or did he even know that I wanted him keeping this a secret? And it's not like I just innocently cried. I fucking looked like I was traumatized — which I was — and about to fall down to my knees. And may I remind you, I'M HIS FUCKING THERAPIST! Everyone knows that a therapist is supposed to be mentally and emotionally stable. And with that act I put on earlier, you could easily tell that I wasn't. What the hell is wrong with me! I'm so fucking stupid! I just had to go and make a stupid mistake like always, and even worse, in front of my patient!