Them (completed)

Chapter 31: Her

Chapter 31: Her

I spent five weeks in New York with my sister who spent 5 weeks convincing me to return back to Maryland and work out my issues. When I first arrived at New York I wanted to hate them all for their betrayal. Now I was at a point where I wanted to forgive them. Hatred was only going to send me into another downward spiral and I did not want that. I had to move past all the bullshit. Nicole did play a big part in helping me realize what I had to do.

“I have a question,” I asked my sister as we sat in the airport waiting on my flight.

I had decided to return to Maryland and face my problems. I wasn't sure how it would all turn out but I had to do it. I had to mend my relationships. I desperately needed to talk to Chris.

“what's up?”

“If you were in the hospital when they decided to lie to me would you have lied,” I asked her.

“Yes,” She said lowly but with out hesitation or reservation. “You have to understand Shay, you do not handle things well. You say you never wanted to kill yourself but taking that many pills could have killed you. The worse part about is, you had no problem with impending death. So yes I would have lied. It is wrong and selfish but try to understand.” Nicole explained.

“What if you were in my position?” I asked her.

“I'm not knocking your pain because I would be pissed if I were in your shoe's. However, I wouldn't stay made to long. You, Shay would just try to take down as many people as possible so you wont be the only one hurt.” I nodded my head. “You think about this, if the rolls where reversed and Marie was the one with pills in her hand and another miscarriage. Would you lie to her?”

Nicole had a point. I would never want to see Marie hurt so I probably would have lied. Just like I lied to Logan about Tonya, I did not want to see him hurt. It had nothing to do with my loyalty to Tonya. I just did not want to see Logan in pain like that. I could understand their motives but it still hurt like hell. What about trust, how could I trust them after this.

“Thanks” I said then gave Nicole a hug.

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I arrived at the BWI airport around 2 in the after new. I went to the overnight parking where the FBI SUV was still parked. Cole had been calling me about that car for days. I promised him I would return it to tomorrow, which is another reason I had to come home.

I went straight to Marie's office in DC where she worked. I felt the need to talk to her right away. That's mainly because I hit her in her face. Never have I ever wanted to close that line with a good friend. Tonya is different because when I fought her she was not longer a good friend and there was no mending our friendship. Plus, Tonya and I have never be as close at Marie and I. I wish I could take back what I said and hitting Marie in the face. This is why I should think before acting.

When I walked in Marie's office she was on the phone handling business. She looked up at me with wide eyes and astonishment written all over her face. She probably thought I would never talk to her again. A part of me never did want to speak with her again but Nicole had a point. If I was in Marie's position I would have done the same thing. I would also want her to forgive me for it.

I mouth 'take your time,' to Marie as I took a seat in a chair. Marie didn't take her time thought. Who ever was on the other line she rushed off the phone with a promise to call back. It took her 1 minute to end her call, which did not give me any time to think about how I should apologize. By the way Marie starred at me I could tell she didn't know what to say either. I wanted to apologize for hitting her but I couldn't find the words to do so.

It was Marie who ended the silence. “Shay I really apologize for what we did. I know it was wrong, I've always known it was wrong...”

“Would you do it again,” I cut her off.

I don't know if her answered really mattered but I want to know if she would be honest with me.

“Yes,” She said without hesitation. I had to admire her honesty. “I wish you didn't find out the way you. You should have found out from us. I think maybe I would just just change that. At the time we lied to you could not have handle the situation. You had just lost Renee, yourself, a coworker, and then that. That would have been the icing on the cake,” Marie explained.

“I think your right but at some point I had the right to know.” Marie nodded her head. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

I was still looking for honesty from Marie. I wondered if she was going to lie just to make the situation better or to gain my forgiveness.

“No and that was to cover our own asses. We figured you would hate us if we told you we lied. I was afraid I would lose my bestfriend.” Marie explained honestly.

“I don't hate. I know I said I do but I don't and I'm sorry for hitting you.”

“I deserved that smack and that's why I didn't retaliate.”

“Yea but I never wanted to hit my bestfriend,” I laughed.

“You still are my best friend,” Marie said as a tear rolled down her face.

Marie was still the woman I could always count on. Nothing would change that. I got up from my chair an walked around to hug her. Marie embarrassed me tightly.

“I love you girl,” I said once we pulled away. “Do me a favorite and don't tell anyone I'm back in town. Not even Chris.”

Marie didn't answer me she just stared at me. Then I realized she most have figured out what I was trying to hide.

“Don't tell anyone, not yet,” I pleaded.

“Okay. I'm happy for you but Chris has be extremely worried about you,” Marie pleaded.

“I promise I’m going to go talk to him on my own time just give me a couple of days.”

“If you don't talk to him withing a week I’ll tell him myself.” I nodded my head at her compromise. “where have you been anyway.”

“New York.”

Marie just nodded her head. I was pretty sure she already had some idea of where I was. Where else would go.

I gave Marie on last hug then headed out of her office to my hotel. I didn't have any plans to talk to Chris until until Friday, three days from now. I just needed time to think. I know I didn't want our marriage to end but I also had to figure out if I could move pass all the bullshit.