The old wooden door creaks as Jungkook opens it startling the delivery man.
"I have a Chinese here for Mr. Jeon Jungkook?" His cold tone showing the long hours he has worked.
"Oh, yeah that's me." Jungkook says whilst paying the man the due amount.
He thanks us and takes his leave, Jungkook shutting the grand door with a bang from the weight of it.
We sit down in the tiled kitchen, the cushioned seats providing enough comfort.
My hands become clammy as the inviting scent fills my nose, dread running through my veins.
"It's ok. I understand its hard but just eat a bit, for me." Jungkook comforts my visibly uncomfortable person.
Trusting him I unwillingly agree.
He opens the dishes and informs me that we can just share them all rather than have set things. Not intending on eating much anyway, I don't care what we do.
Promptly, Jungkook digs in to the mouth-watering food in front of us. Pausing, he looks at me expectantly,to which I respond. Hesitantly, I bring a piece of the appetising food to my lips, allowing myself to inhale the irresistible smell.
Cautiously, I nibble the end the succulent flavour making my taste buds crave more. I mirror Jungkook's actions, tucking into the delectable calories.
It's not long enough before the guilt begins to eat me alive, reality hits me like a bulldozer. Fuck.
My body temperature increases rapidly, drops of sweat appearing on my forehead.
"Hey, hey, hey, look at me ok?" His words don't reach my ears. I'm too engrossed in the kcal I just consumed.
Black blotches emerge everywhere, dizziness manducating me. I want to scream, call out for Jungkook, reach for him, but my body won't give permission.
why am I like this? I am so sick of this! I should just die! I am worthless, why am I even living? I'm fat and useless. I don't deserve happiness.
My thoughts are pushed aside by Jungkook's contact with my skin. He touched my shoulder, my focus shifting to him.
"Just breath ok? I've got you, I promise." I breath I for 4 and out for 6, Jungkook performs this with me so I don't seem as stupid, he doesn't understand how appreciative I am of this small gesture.
"Ok, now we have finished eating, let's go to my room and talk." The pace of my heartbeat quickens again, "Don't be scared, we are just going to talk. It's only me." He notes softly.
Clutching my hand gently, he squeezes it vaguely to console me, he succeeds. It's as if he knows exactly what to do in these situations.
He leads me to his bedroom. I have been in here before but he has redecorated.
The once colourful room has morphed into a mature neutral toned room. The feature wall contains lyrics to a song, it's in Korean so I can only make out some of the words but from what I gather it's quite a meaningful song. The lyrics are white in an italic font against a black background. The rest of the walls are a creamy colour. The small window is still located on the right side of the room, with roman blinds creating a stripe effect on the left wall from the lights peering in from outside. The bed has a simple grey duvet with a matching pillow, however the pillow says two words on it 'Love Yourself'. Simple yet effective. The head board is black with black shelving towering over him when he sleeps. Games and sentimental objects kept on it.
"I like it." For a split second he had a perplexed facade until he remembered that I have not been in his room for a while.
"Thanks."
I await the talk in anticipation, dreading what lies ahead.
"So..." Shit. "I want to talk to you about quite a few things. Is that ok with you?" He questions.
I don't think I have a choice, either way I answer, "Yes."
It's time to let it all out...
"Ok, first I want to establish what you actually have and do etc." He surveys my face to make sure I understand, once satisfied he goes on.
"So I know you self-harm, don't talk, drink too much, smoke, don't sleep, wake up in the middle of the night, we gathered earlier that you don't eat, you exercise a lot and you have depression, anxiety, an eating disorder and insomnia." I nod knowingly, "Is there anything else?" He inquisits.
"Er.. Yes..."
He silently perches himself on the edge of his bed getting comfy, I do the same assuming this is going to be a long talk.
I begin, "So, all of what you said is correct, the eating disorders I have are anorexia and bulimia. I throw up food a lot as well..." I get this sense it's now or never, "Yes I have depression, anxiety and insomnia all of which are severe cases. I have attempted suicide on multiple occasions and yes I self harm. That includes cutting, burning, punching walls etc. Drinking and smoking are also included in that however they are also separate problems. I am almost an Alcoholic, luckily I'm not quite but if I continue drinking the amount I do know then this will likely lead to that..." I shift my gaze to the ceiling in an attempt to baracade the tears about to spill, "I also have paranoia, I always feel like I am being watched or being spoken about or laughed at etc." Baffled I could even get all of that out, the cold droplets sting my face as they fall, staining my cheeks.
Unbearable emotions come over me like a wave. The crying resulting in Jungkook hugging me, tighter than ever before. I inhale his fresh scent, lowering my anxiety levels.
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I apologise for the short chapter even though I haven't posted in ages! I'm not in a good place right now, even worse than usual and school has just started again so I am still going to post on both stories but it won't be as regular as I would like.
Please understand!
Thank you - Bangtanxxo
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FanficY/n's whole life constant obstacles have been thrown her way and she has no one to help her overcome them. Overtime, they have all brought her down to the point where life has become unbearable. She's not living, she's just not dying. She turns to...
