Dear Diary,
Is that even how you start these things? I've never had a diary before, but I need to get some of these thoughts out. I'm heartbroken. My boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend, that still feels weird to say, Jordan, broke up with me three days ago. By text. I mean it's fine, I just didn't see it coming I guess. He didn't even give me a reason, just said that he wasn't feeling it anymore. He was on holiday with his family, the holiday that I was supposed to be with him on. But I had to cancel last minute because Georgia got sick. Family comes first, especially when it comes to my baby sister. I switched my phone off after that message, didn't tell anyone, just stayed under my covers and cried. I stopped crying yesterday, I had nothing left to cry.
I still can't quite believe that it's true to be honest. We'd been together for years, literal years. You can't break up with a long term girlfriend over a text can you? I still believe he's going to reconsider, so I haven't told anyone yet, I've just pretended to be really engrossed in a book every time my parents have tried to check on me, so they don't worry. Everything is going to go back to normal, anything I believe is the truth right? So if I say that, then that's that. I honestly believe he'll come back for me, and until then I just have to pretend I'm fine without him. I wish I could do that, I've already texted him... a few times... in the past few days, asking him to reconsider, that he can't be serious. He didn't answer though, obviously. I'm aware that for him to miss me I need to actually be gone but it's so hard and I'm so desperate, I can't lose him, I can't lose Jordan.
We met in school, obviously, I'm only 16 I don't really meet people other than at school and at my dancing club. He was the best looking boy in the class, that was two and a half years ago now. My mum thought I was too young to fall in love, but here we are two and a half years later. What am I even supposed to do without him? Every morning I've woken up and gone to check for his usual good morning text, and it's just not there anymore. I can't be without him.
I'm actually devastated, and I look like shit too. I've been eating Christmas chocolate for 3 days straight, in between crying and sleeping, and I don't look good. This is why I need Jordan, he brings out the best in me, and now he's gone, the bad bits are rearing their ugly head.
I should text my friends, I mean it's not their fault I've been MIA. I don't know what to say to them though. Who am I without Jordan? Will they still want to be my friend? Who is Alice Greene without Jordan Jones? I'm not sure I know.
I need to make a list, of things that I should be doing to get Jordan back.
1. Stop crying, he's going to come back to you.
2. Keep posting pretty Christmas pics on social media, he doesn't need to know you're hurting.
3. STOP texting him. He needs to be able to miss you to come back.
4. Write more, read more, grow as a person, he needs to see that I'm someone he wants to be with.
5. Get out of bed. Any day now, it's been three days already you need to get over yourself
6. DIET!!!! You need to lose that belly, eat less and do more sport! He'll be back in no time.
I'll try and write again in a few days, to check up on how I'm doing. Until then,
Alice Greene
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Thank you so much for reading, be sure to comment your opinion and vote if you enjoyed it, love you all x
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